Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“Are you tired? You must sleep when I have gone, and I will come to see
you again at noon. Sleep soundly, my darling Jenny. Are you so tired?”
“Yes, very tired, Helge.”
She was lying with her eyes half closed, looking at the pale morning
light coming through the ribs of the blind.
He kissed her when he stood fully dressed, holding his hat; then he
kneeled by her bed and put an arm under her shoulder:
“Thank you for tonight. Do you remember that I said those same words to
you the first morning in Rome, when we were at Aventine?”
Jenny nodded on her pillow.
“One more kiss—and good-night—my lovely Jenny.”
At the door he stopped:
“What about the front door? Is there a key, or is it one of those
ordinary ones with a latch?”
“Yes, an ordinary one. You can open it all right from the inside.”
She remained in bed with her eyes closed. She saw her own body as it lay
under the cover, white, bare, beautiful—a thing that she had flung away
as she had the gloves. It was not hers any more.
She gave a start on hearing Heggen mount the stairs slowly and open his
door. He walked up and down in his room, then came out again and went up
the stairs to the roof. She heard him pacing to and fro above her head.
She was sure he knew, but it did not make much impression on her tired
brain. She felt no pain now. It seemed to her that he would probably
think what had happened as natural and unavoidable as she did. She could
not decide what was the next thing to do—it must just come as the other
had done, as a necessary consequence of her opening the door last night
to Helge.
She put out one foot from under the cover and lay looking at it. It was
pretty. She bent it, accentuating the instep. Yes, it was pretty, white
with blue veins and pink heel and toes.
She was tired—it was nice to feel so utterly tired. It felt like having
recovered from some keen suffering. She was tired now, and what she had
to do she did mechanically.
She got up and dressed. When she had put on stockings, bodice, and a
skirt she slipped her feet into a pair of bronze slippers, washed, and
did her hair in front of the glass without noticing the reflection of her
face in it. Then she went to the small table where she kept her painting
things, looking for the box containing her implements. In the night she
had been thinking of the small triangular scraper,—she had sometimes
played with it, putting it against her artery.
She took it out, looked at it, testing it with her finger, but she put
it back again and took out a folding knife that she had once bought in
Paris. It had a corkscrew, tin-opener, and many blades; one was short,
pointed, and broad. She opened it.
She went back to her bed and sat down on it. Putting her pillow on the
table at the side of the bed, she steadied her left hand on it and cut
through the artery.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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