purring, staggering and tumbling. At such times, again and again, her
impulse would be to go forward and applaud him, and then, the instinct
that she would be checked by Jeremy stayed her.
She knew very well that Jeremy realised nothing of this. Jeremy was
not given to the consideration of other people's motives--his own
independence saved him from anxiety about others. He had the English
characteristic of fancying that others must like and dislike as he
himself liked and disliked. Of sentiment he had no knowledge whatever.
As this year grew towards summer Mary had the feeling that Jeremy was
slipping away from her. She did not know what had happened to him. In
the old days he had asked her opinion about many things; he had scorned
to enjoy the long stories that she had told him--at any rate, he had
listened to them very politely--and he had asked her to suggest games or
to play with his toys. Now as the summer drew near, he did none of
these things. He was frankly impatient with her stories, never asked her
advice about anything, and never played with her. Was he growing very
conceited? Was it because he was going to school, and thought himself
too old for his sisters? No, he did not seem to be conceited--he had
always been proud, but never conceited. It was rather as though he had
lately had thoughts of his own, almost against his will, and that these
had shut him off from the people round him.
Then, when their mother was so ill and Barbara made her startling
appearance Jeremy kept more to himself. He never talked about his
mother's illness, as did the others, and yet Mary knew that he had
been more deeply concerned than any of them. She had been miserable, of
course, but to Jeremy it had been as though he had been led into a new
world altogether; Helen and she were still in their old places, and
Jeremy had left them.
At last just before they all moved to Cow Farm Mary made a silly scene.
She had not intended to make a scene. Scenes seemed to come upon her,
like evil birds, straight out of the air, to seize her before she knew
where she was, to envelop and carry her up with them; at last, when all
the mischief was done, to set her on her feet again, battered, torn and
bitterly ashamed. One evening she was sitting deep in “Charlotte Mary,”
and Hamlet, bunched up against his master's leg, stared at her. She had
long ago told herself that it was ridiculous to mind what Hamlet
did, that he was not looking at her, and, in any case, he was only a
dog--and so on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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