Jeremy sat there whilst the dusk fell and all the beautiful lights were
drawn from the sky and the rooks went to bed. Rose came to draw the
curtains, and then he left his window-seat, dragged out his toy village
and pretended to play with it. He looked at his sisters. They seemed
quite tranquil. Helen was sewing, and Mary deep in “The Pillars of the
House.” The clock ticked. Hamlet, lost in sleep, snored and sputtered;
the whole world pursued its ordinary way. Only in himself something was
changed; he was unhappy, and he could not account for his unhappiness.
It should have been because his mother was ill, and yet she had been ill
before, and he had been only disturbed for a moment. After all, grown-up
people always got well. There had been Aunt Amy, who had had measles,
and the wife of the Dean, who had had something, and even the Bishop
once... But now he was frightened. There was some perception, coming
to him now for the first time in his life, that this world was not
absolutely stable--that people left it, people came into it, that
there was change and danger and something stronger.... Gradually this
perception was approaching him as though it had been some dark figure
who had entered the house, and now, with muffled step and veiled face,
was slowly climbing the stairs towards him. He only knew that his mother
could not go; she could not go. She was part of his life, and she would
always be so. Why, now, when he thought of it, he could do nothing
without his mother; every day he must tell her what he had done and what
he was going to do, must show her what he had acquired and must explain
to her what he had lost, must go to her when he was hurt and when he was
frightened and when he was glad... And of all these things he had never
even thought until now.
As he sat there the house seemed to grow ever quieter and quieter
about him. He felt as though he would have liked to have gone to the
schoolroom door and listened. It was terrible imagining the house behind
the door--quite silent--so that the clocks had stopped, and no one
walked upon the stairs and no one laughed down in the pantry. He wished
that they would make more noise in the schoolroom. He upset the church
and the orchard and Mrs. Noah.
But the silence after the noise was worse than ever.
Soon Miss Jones took the two girls away to her room to fit on some
clothes, an operation which Helen adored and Mary hated. Jeremy was left
alone, and he was, at once, terribly frightened. He knew that it was of
no use to be frightened, and he tried to go on with his game, putting
the church with the apple trees around it and the Noah family all
sleeping under the trees, but at every moment something compelled him to
raise his head and see that no one was there, and he felt so small and
so lonely that he would like to have hidden under something.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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