thin and poor, and the glory of life seems to have waned with the
waning of our strength, our pulses thrill and our hearts beat with
something of the old glow as the remembrance of these pains and
pleasures comes upon us!
To return to my baby-brother. The dusk steals upon us, and we are
still playing with the oranges. The cat is watching us, and when an
orange rolls in her direction she, half timidly, half sportively,
stretches out her paw towards it, and on one occasion lies full-length
on her stomach, with an orange between the tips of her paws, and her
nose in a straight line with it. I hear my baby-brother laugh
gleefully as I scramble on all-fours after the orange. The dusk has
deepened, and my baby-brother's face grows indistinct. I throw the
orange towards him. It hits him in the face, and his gleeful laughter
changes to a scream. I absolutely never see my baby-brother again, and
never again hear his voice. All that afterwards refers to him seems to
be imparted to me when it is dark, and so strong is my impression of
this detail that in my memory I never see his face with a light upon
it. My baby-brother is taken suddenly ill, I am told. I go about the
house, always in the dark, stepping very gently, and wondering whether
my secret will become known, and if it does, what will be done to me.
Still in the dark I hear that my baby-brother is worse; that he is
dangerously ill. Then, without an interval as it seems, comes the news
that my baby-brother is dead, and I learn in some undiscoverable way
that he has died of the croup. I know better. I know that I gave him
his death-blow with the orange, and I tremble for the consequences.
But no human being appears to suspect me, and for my own sake I must
preserve silence. Even to assume an air of grief at my baby-brother's
death might be dangerous; it might look as if I were too deeply
interested in the event; so I put on my most indifferent air. There
are, however, two things in the house that I am frightened of. One is
our old Dutch clock, the significant ticking and the very ropes and
iron weights of which appear to me to be pregnant with knowledge of my
crime. Five minutes before every hour the clock gives vent to a
whirring sound, and at that sound, hitherto without significance, I
tremble. There is a warning in it, and with nervous apprehension I
count the seconds that intervene between it and the striking of the
hour, believing that then the bell will proclaim my guilt. It _does_
proclaim it; but no person understands it, no one heeds it. I lean
against the passage wall, listening to the denunciation. Snaggletooth
comes in and stands by my side while the clock is striking. I look up
into his face with imploring eyes and a sinking heart. He taps my
cheek kindly, and passes on. I breathe more freely; he does not know
the language of the bells. The other thing of which I am frightened is
our cat. I know that she knows, and I am fearful lest, by some
mysterious means, she will denounce me.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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