also obeying the dictates of a longing for adventure and impatience
of sameness, which have always had a very strong influence in
determining my conduct. I detect how love of variety manifested
itself as the principal cause of my actions, and made my course
deviate widely from that of other ladies in my rank of life, and
furnishes a reasonable explanation for behaviour which would else
seem unaccountable. To a person of this disposition, monotony,
dullness, and boredom in every shape are of course absolutely
intolerable; consequently I do not believe that any position
involving these drawbacks will ever content me for long, even
though it may, in other respects, afford every advantage that the
heart of man (or woman) can desire. And having supplied the reader
with this much clue to a comprehension of the character of the
individual whose story lies before him, I leave all further judgment
upon me to be pronounced according to what is found in the pages of
this veracious history, wherein I purpose faithfully to depict
myself exactly as I appear in my own eyes, and as my life shows
me to be.
A person's identity is materially affected (as regards both himself
and others) by that of the immediate ancestors without whom he or
she would not have existed at all; so the first step towards my
self-introduction must obviously be to state my parentage.
My father, Sir Anthony Trecastle, a gentleman of small fortune
serving in the Life Guards, was employed in London discharging the
not very onerous duties expected from an officer of Heavies in time
of peace, when he became acquainted and enamoured with a daughter of
Lord Gilbert's. Sir Anthony's means were not sufficiently large for
him to be reckoned anything of a matrimonial catch in that set of
society to which both he and the young lady he admired belonged. He
had enough to live upon, however, besides being a tenth baronet,
rather good-looking, and the representative of a family whose name
was to be found in the Domesday Book; therefore her relations and
friends considered him to be a respectable though not brilliant
match, made no attempt to interfere either for or against his suit,
and left her perfectly free to please herself as to the answer it
should receive. It was long before she could make up her mind in the
matter; but, after considering it for more than a year, she at last
determined to accept him. What may have moved her to do this of
course I cannot say; but all I know of her character makes me think
it more likely for the decision to have resulted from a reasonable
and deliberate consideration of matrimonial pros and cons than from
any love for her husband. Those who knew her well believed her to be
so singularly cold and indifferent as never to have warmed into real
love for any living creature during her whole life. And not only do
my own recollections of her corroborate this opinion, but also I may
say that I myself am a living argument to prove it true, inasmuch as
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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