To be put to the account of Charlie Purdue was his poverty, and the
disaster that had fallen upon him. Moira made no count of right or wrong
in such a matter as this; her friend was in trouble, and that was
sufficient. Charlie had only to point to all he had endeavoured to
do--his medical knowledge, in the right use of which he had failed (or
so he told her) on a mere technical quibble of the examiners; his easel
and brushes, in the use of which again he had failed because he had not
had a fair start; his manuscripts--in which he had not been so lucky as
a certain Jimmy Larrance. Only give him an opportunity, he asserted
passionately again and again, and he'd soon show them.
But the opportunity did not come, and the money steadily dwindled.
Charlie became for the first time in his life a little careless in
regard to his dress, and a little shabby; took to sitting in his room
the greater part of the day, staring into the fire, and smoking much.
Moira would creep down to see him; opening the door a little way, and
looking in, and calling to him softly; on which he would look round, and
make a valiant effort to call up something resembling the old genial
smile; and tell her with a nod that "it was all right; he was thinking
about things." And she would go away heavy-hearted.
She went down one night, to find him sitting in the light of the fire,
with his chin cocked in his hands; he did not look round as she entered.
She crossed the room softly, and stood near him; put out a hand
nervously, and touched him on the shoulder. He looked round at her with
a whimsical smile; then stared again into the flames.
"Charlie--Charlie!" she whispered. "What are you going to do?"
"The Lord He knows best--and I don't!" said Charlie, without looking up
at her. "I've thought of everything; I don't seem to have any energy
left--or any hope. It doesn't seem fair somehow that I should fight
like this--or try to fight--with no result."
"You've tried a great many things," assented Moira.
"Haven't I?" He looked round at her gratefully. "That's where it is; my
worst enemy can't say I haven't tried. I'm a fellow of energy really; no
sooner does an idea enter my head than I'm off after it like a shot.
It's a matter of luck, my dear. I haven't got the luck. A fellow like
Jimmy simply drops into the thing at once."
"Jimmy works very hard," suggested Moira.
"And I don't, I suppose?" he broke in quickly. "Oh, you may as well say
it; I don't mind. Yet if Jimmy had failed, the boot might have been on
the other leg. I thought you believed in me a little," he added
bitterly.
"Of course I do," she said quietly. "I only wish I could help you."
"Why, so you do," he replied, with a sudden change of tone. "You put
heart into me, many and many a time; you've been a sort of good angel to
me." He got up suddenly, and dropped his hands on her shoulders, and
looked into her eyes. "If I'd known you earlier, Moira, I might have
done big things; I wanted guiding."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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