Alone in his rooms again, Jimmy began a search for the things. In the
confusion attendant upon moving they had been lost sight of; he found
himself hunting somewhat anxiously for these curious epistles, written
by his wife, and yet never sent. It was possible that they might contain
some allusion to the business--might suggest some way out of the tangle
in which they both were placed.
He found the packet at last, and opened it, and began to read. And, once
beginning, seemed unable to leave off. There were many of the letters,
and the first of them dated back nearly two years. It was the time of
Charlie Purdue's death.
He read on and on steadily--stopping for nothing, save, when the light
failed, to get a lamp; carrying one letter in his hands even while he
did that. And while he read a curious feeling of solemnity came on him;
it seemed as though from some spirit-world the very soul of this woman
he had not understood cried to him--craved him--longed for him and loved
him. Just as he had learnt so much from her unconsciously before, so he
learnt from her again; saw the little things that might, but for his
blindness; have pointed him clearly to her, and shown him what was in
her mind.
Long afterwards little phrases and scraps from them lingered in his
mind, not to be lightly forgotten; little scraps and phrases, spoken as
it seemed by the dream-woman who had been so near him in all things, and
yet so far away. Imaginative always, he had yet not imagined this; had
seen, from the very circumstances under which she had come to him in her
sorrow, only a woman seeking for an escape from the consequences of her
sin; only a woman desiring to hide what she had shamefully done. Now he
read the truth.
"I write here, my love, what you may not ever read; unless it should
happen that at some time when I am dead, and the world goes on without
me, you may find this paper, and think that I am speaking to you--when
it is too late. I want to set down solemnly here what I dare not ever
tell you. I write it carefully, because the words are more precious than
anything I have ever written. And yet I turn away my face for a moment
before I write; because my face is hot with what I am going to say.
See--here it is! I LOVE YOU. There are no words like these anywhere in
any language; and they mean so much that I want to write them again and
again.
"You are going to marry me. Out of that great heart of yours that is
sorry for me, and for the wreck I have made of my life, you take pity on
me, and shelter me. Yet you do something greater than that, although you
don't know it; you make me the happiest woman in all the world----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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