Meanings, we have seen, played a great part in these studies:
“Dollar—_a Dutch coin_”; “Engineer—_an Artist_”; “Gambadoes—_a Sort
of Boots_”; “History—_an Account of Things_”; “Interview—_Mutual
Sight_”; “Logarithms—_Artificial Numbers_”; “Mahomet—_the Turkish
Impostor_”; “Replevin—_a Writ so called_”; “Stolidity—_Foolishness_”;
“Tarantula—_a Baneful Insect_”; “Valentine—_a Romish Festival_”;
“Upholsterer—_an Undertaker_”; “Zodiac—_a Circle in the Heavens_”:
such were the strange vocables she kept muttering and misunderstanding:
believing indeed that “Paramour” was merely a grander word for “_Lover_”
and connecting divorce with “Schismatic—_one guilty of unlawful
separation_.” It pained her to meet the “Sadducees—_a People that
Denies the Being of Angels_,” slurring, as did these unimaginable
heretics, the status of her own mother. Surely it was for such that
“Damnation—_the punishment of Hell Torments_” had been designed.
Punctuation too she studied, growing learned in Apostrophes, Asterisks,
Carets, Crotchets, and Obelisks; other hours were devoted to Grammar,
Tenses, Degrees of Comparison (always between good and better _Boys_),
Genitives, and even Scraps of Latin. Pronunciation, however, was her
great stumbling-block. How was it possible to keep one’s feet in the
chaos, say, of four-syllabled words, each accented on a different
syllable? Antiquary, Ambassador, Affidavit, Animadvert—it was
heart-breaking and head-splitting. Her memory, so marvellous when
vivified by realities, broke down before this procession of shadows.
With what relief she turned to the rich riot of “Moral and Satyric
Poems”—though her sex was still distressingly ignored, and through
every loophole the eternal male popped up.
_He most improves who studies with Delight_
_And learns Sound Morals while he learns to write._
Still, where “Swearing, Gaming, and Pride” were rebuked in lashing
lines, she was not sorry to find the petticoat conspicuous by its
absence. It was a rare joy to come on Queen Anne in a “List of
Abbreviations” under the unexpected guise of A.R.; in the list of kings,
too, she appeared again, together with Mary and Elizabeth; not a large
proportion, Jinny thought, rejoicing at the Victoria unforeseen by the
learned author, whose “Chronological Account of Remarkable Things”
stopped, like her friend Commander Dap’s, at the Battle of Trafalgar.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account