As for Mrs. Thursby.... It was singularly difficult for Joan to realize
her mother. There was about the woman something formless and intangible.
She seemed to fail to make a definite impression even upon the retina of
the physical eye. She had the faculty of effacing herself, seemed more a
woman that had been than a woman who was. The four boundary walls of the
flat comprehended her existence; she seldom left the house; she never
changed her dress save for bed. It might have been thought that she
would thus dominate her world: to the contrary, she haunted it, more a
wraith than a body, a creature of functions rather than of faculties.
She had a way of being in a room without attracting a glance, of passing
through and from it without leaving an impression of her transit.
When Joan made herself look directly at her mother, she was able to
detect traces of ravaged beauty. A living shell in which its tenant lay
dormant, her subjective will to live alone kept this woman going her
sempiternal rounds of monotony. Capacity for affection she apparently
had none; she regarded her children with as little interest as her
husband. Nor had she the power to excite or sustain affection.
Joan believed she loved her mother. She did not: she accepted her as a
convention in which affection inhered through tradition alone....
Seated on the edge of the bed, her face flushed with the heat of the
smouldering evening, sombre eyes staring steadfastly at the threadbare
carpet, the girl shook her head silently, in dreary wonder.
She stood at crossroads. She could, of course, go on as she had
gone--bartering youth and strength for a few dollars a week. But every
fibre of her being, every instinct of her forlorn soul, was in vital
mutiny against such servitude. In fact, doubt no longer existed in
Joan's mind as to which way she would turn: dread of the inevitable
rupture alone deterred her from the first steps.
From the rear of the flat Edna called her fretfully: "Joan! Jo-an! Ain't
you coming to eat?"
Joan rose. She answered affirmatively in a strong voice. Her mind was
now made up: she would tell them after supper--after the Old Man had
gone back to the shop.
She posed before a mirror, touching her hair with deft fingers while she
stared curiously at the face falsified in the depths of the uneven sheet
of glass.
Then placing her hands on her hips, at the belt-line, thumbs to the
back, she lifted her shoulders, at one and the same time smoothing out
the wrinkles in her waist and settling her belt into place.
"Oh," she said, as casually as if there had been any one to hear, "I
guess I'll _do_, all right, all right!"
III
With a careless nod to her mother and sister, Joan slipped into her
chair and helped herself mechanically but liberally to the remains of
pork and cabbage. Her mother tilted a granite-ware pot over a cup and
filled the latter with the decoction which, in the Thursby menu,
masqueraded as coffee.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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