The house was quite still; everyone had gone to bed, and the moon filled
the middle of the window, splashing the bed, and Joanna in it, and the
walls, and the sagging beams of the ceiling. She thought of getting up
to pull down the blind, but had no more energy to do that than to bind
her hair. She wanted desperately to go to sleep. She lay on her side,
her head burrowed down into the pillow, her hands clenched under her
chin. Her bed was next the door, and beyond the door, against the wall
at right angles to it, was her chest of drawers, with Martin's
photograph in its black frame, and the photograph of his tombstone in a
frame with a lily worked on it. Her eyes strained towards them in the
darkness ... oh, Martin--Martin, why did I ever forget you?... But I
never forgot you ... Martin, I've never had my man.... I've got money,
two farms, lovely clothes--I'm just as good as a lady ... but I've never
had my man.... Seemingly I'll go down into the grave without him ...
but, oh, I do want ... the thing I was born for....
Sobs shook her broad shoulders as she lay there in the moonlight. But
they did not relieve her--her sobs ploughed deep into her soul ... they
turned strange furrows.... Oh, she was a bad woman, who deserved no
happiness. She'd always known it.
She lifted her head, straining her eyes through the darkness and tears
to gaze at Martin's photograph as if it were the Serpent in the
Wilderness. Perhaps all this had come upon her because she had been
untrue to his memory--and yet what had so appealed to her about Bertie
was that he was like Martin, though Ellen said he wasn't--well, perhaps
he wasn't.... But what was happening now? Something had come between her
and the photograph on the chest of drawers. With a sudden chill at her
heart, she realized that it was the door opening.
"Who's there?" she cried in a hoarse angry whisper.
"Don't be frightened, dear--don't be frightened, my sweet Jo--" said
Bertie Hill.
Sec.23
She could not think--she could only feel. It was morning--that white
light was morning, though it was like the moon. Under it the Marsh lay
like a land under the sea--it must have looked like this when the keels
of the French boats swam over it, high above Ansdore, and Brodnyx, and
Pedlinge, lying like red apples far beneath, at the bottom of the sea.
That was nonsense ... but she could not think this morning, she could
only feel.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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