1033. A French officer being just arrived at the court of Vienna, and the empress hearing that he had the day before been in company with a great lady, asked him if it were true that she was the most handsome princess of her time? The officer answered, with great gallantry, Madam, I thought so yesterday. 1034. The _spretæ injuria formæ_ is the greatest with a woman. A man of rank, hearing that two of his female relations had quarrelled, asked, Did they call each other ugly? No. Well, well; I shall soon reconcile them. 1035. Wit, or even what the French term _esprit_, seems little compatible with feeling. Fontenelle was a great egotist, and thought of nothing but himself. One of his old acquaintances went one day to see him at his country house, and said he had come to eat a bit of dinner. What shall we have? Do you like asparagus? said Fontenelle. If you please; but with oil. Oil! I prefer them with sauce. But sauce disagrees with me, replied the guest. Well, well, we will have them with oil. Fontenelle then went out to give his orders; but on his return, found his poor acquaintance dead of an apoplexy. Running to the head of the stairs, he called out, Cook! dress the ’sparagus with sauce. 1036. An ignorant soldier at Quebec, observing some of his comrades stay behind him at church, asked them, on their coming out, what was the reason? They told him, jeeringly, that the parson had treated them with some wine. No other liquor? said the fellow. Seeing he swallowed the bait, they answered, that he might have what liquor he chose. Next Sunday he stayed to have his share; and when the clergyman offered him the wine, he put up his hand to his head, in token of salutation, and said modestly, Please your reverence, I should prefer punch. 1037. A French peer, a man of wit, was making his testament: he had remembered all his domestics, except his steward; I shall leave him nothing, said he, because he has served me these twenty years. 1038. A president of the parliament of Paris asked Langlois, the advocate, why he so often burdened himself with bad causes? My lord, answered the advocate, I have lost so many good ones, that I am puzzled which to take.