533. The late Councillor Caldbeck, of the Irish bar, who drudged in his profession till he was near eighty, being a king’s counsel, frequently went circuit, as judge of assize when any one of the twelve judges was prevented by illness. On one of those occasions, a fellow was convicted before him at Wexford for bigamy; and when the learned counsel came to pass sentence, after lecturing the fellow pretty roundly upon the nature of his uxorious crime, added, The only punishment which the law authorizes me to inflict is, that you be transported to parts beyond the seas for the term of seven years; but if I had my will, you should not escape with so mild a punishment, for I would sentence you for the term of your natural life―to live in the same house with both your wives. 534. A tailor following the army, was wounded in the head by an arrow. When the surgeon saw the wound, he told his patient, that as the weapon had not touched his brain, there was no doubt of his recovery. The tailor said, If I had possessed any brains, I should not have been here. 535. A young woman had laid a wager she would descend into a vault, in the middle of the night, and bring from thence a skull. The person who took the wager, previously hid himself in the vault, and as the girl seized a skull, cried, in a hollow voice, Leave me my head! There it is, said the girl, throwing it down, and catching up another. Leave me my head! said the same voice. Nay, nay, said the heroic lass, you cannot have two heads: so brought the skull, and won the wager. 536. The daughter of a respectable farmer in Carmarthenshire, was lately betrothed to a young man in the neighbourhood of Tenby; but lovers’ quarrels occurring about three weeks before the day appointed for the marriage, the swain turned on his heel, and immediately proposed to another sister, who assented, without hesitation, on the ground of its being too great a sacrifice to lose such a nice young man out of the family; and, on the day named for the former marriage, the latter took place. 537. The Princess of Conti, daughter of Louis XIV., speaking to the ambassador of Morocco, highly disapproved of the plurality of wives which prevails among the Mahomedans. We should only require one, replied the gallant ambassador, if each resembled you, madam. 538. The Laird of M’N―b was writing to one of his Dulcineas from an Edinburgh coffee-house, when a gentleman of his acquaintance observed that he was setting at defiance the laws of orthography and grammar. How can a man write grammar with a pen like this? exclaimed the Highland chieftain.