In the Smoking Room (_Causerie_) 136 XVI. The Brune and the Blonde--Madame la Comtesse d'A. and Lady B. chat a little about their husbands, discuss their respective merits, and indulge in several little confidences 146 XVII. The Teetotal Mania--Second Epistle to John Bull--The darling Sin of Mrs. John Bull according to a Venerable Archdeacon and a few Charitable Ladies--A free-born Briton, member of the Yellow Ribbon Army 164 XVIII. New Salvation Agencies--Priestess Rubbers--_Asinus asinam fricat_ 176 XIX. The Vicar's Wife (Fragments) I. 180 II. 187 III. 200 XX. Apotheosis of the Daughters of John Bull 209 XXI. John Bull and His Island (_Postscript_) 228 Appendix 234 HORS D'ŒUVRE. In proposing the toast to the ladies at a City dinner, one evening, Lord Derby expressed himself in these terms:-- "Before appointing an Englishman to any post of importance, the first question the electors ask is: "'_What kind of a wife has he?_'" And, indeed, the English, who introduce diplomacy into everything, place discretion above all the qualifications that an English candidate sends to the members of an electing board, in the form of testimonials. The chief thing required of a man who is to be placed at the head of a Society, an Institution, a College, is that he should know how to maintain order and good discipline: not with fuss and severity, but with calmness and discretion; and the English are quite right, for self-control and discretion are the two qualities that most fit a man for government. "Now," the electors say, "if Mr. _So-and-So_, who is one of our selected candidates, cannot keep his wife in order, how will he keep a thousand men or boys in order? If he cannot maintain good discipline in his house, how will he maintain it in our Society? If he is ruled by his wife, it is his wife and not he whom we shall be electing. Therefore Mr. _So-and-So_ will not do for us." Very proper reasoning. How many talented men could I name, who will owe to their wives, all their life-time, the honour of being and remaining obscure heroes! What is the main cause of England's greatness and prosperity? Simply this: