POOR LAWS.--A man in the last stage of destitution, came before the sitting Magistrate, at Lambeth Street, and stated that having by the operation of the new Poor Laws, been suddenly deprived of parish assistance, he was reduced to such extremity, that if not instantly relieved he must be driven to do a deed that his soul abhorred. The worthy Magistrate instantly ordered him five shillings from the poor-box, and after a suitable admonition against giving way to despair, asked him what dreadful deed he would have been impelled to, but for this seasonable relief; ‘To work,’ said the man with a deep sigh as he left the office. SCOTCH FRUGALITY.--A commercial traveller having got a settlement of his account with a shopkeeper in Falkirk, invited him to dinner at the inn. ‘Na, na,’ said he, ‘I never gang to an inn; I’ll no gang. But just tell me how muckle it would cost you gi’eing me my dinner at the inn as ye ca’d?’ ‘Oh! never mind that,’ said the traveller. ‘Aye, but I want to ken--just tell me,’ added he behind the counter. ‘Oh,’ said the traveller, ‘perhaps six or seven shillings.’ ‘Very weel, then,’ replied the curmudgeon, ‘just gi’e me the seven shillings.’ A MAN OF FAMILY.--A decent highlander in Badenoch called lately upon the minister of the parish, and making his bow, hoped ‘that Mr ---- would look in at his house some day and christen _a few bairns_ for him.’ ‘A few bairns!’ exclaimed the minister, ‘what way is that to speak, Donald; how many have you got?’ ‘Why, sir,’ replied the other, ‘there were three when I left the house, but I canna tell how many there may be since.’ BLESSINGS OF PRIMOGENITURE.--A countryman whose master had two sons, being asked one day whether the youngest was married? replied, ‘Yes.’ ‘Is the oldest married too? ‘Na,’ said the sagacious servant, ‘ye ken he’s the young laird; he canna get a wife till his father dies.’