‘Aye, man, its just him; dy’e think he’s an honest man?’ ‘An honest man!’ echoed Mr. Mitchell ‘what should make you ask that; he’s no been stealing surely.’ ‘I’m no saying that,’ responded Tam, ‘but div ye think he wad lift a corpse or any thing o’ that kind?’ ‘Surely not, Mr. Merrilees,’ said the anxious elder, drawing his chair closer? ‘you do not mean body-lifting--the man that’s trusted with the keys of the burial-ground!’ ‘I’m no saying, Mr. Mitchell, that he lifts bodies. I’ll no say that the noo; but I’ll tell ye what, he disna mak them bide in their graves. What will ye wager, Mr. Mitchell, that there’s no a dead woman standing up against the wa’, in the kirk-yard?’ ‘The man’s daft!’ uttered the astonished Mr. Mitchell. ‘Gang awa’ hame to your wife, Tam Merrilees, and sleep yourself sober.’--‘Sober,’ said Tam, very dryly, ‘did ye say sober? Hum! that’ll be just as muckle as saying that I’m fou’; may be I am, may be no, but if you think sae, Mr. Mitchell, that’ll no hinder ye fra taking a bet upon it.’ After a lengthened parley, in which Tam strenuously supported his assertion, Maister Mitchell, in order to get rid of his visitor’s company, was fain to accept a bet of a dozen of ‘strong ale’ that no such thing existed, save in Tam’s imagination; and it was agreed that the two should call at the sexton’s house at seven o’ clock, and procure the keys, after which they were to proceed to the scene of dispute. Who can imagine the amazement of the horror-struck elder, at perceiving the corps of a woman standing upright against the wall, in the very identical spot that Tam had described? It was some time ere he could sufficiently compose himself to interrogate Tam upon so mysterious an affair. On his explaining the whole circumstance, the elder’s risibility was not a little raised at Tam’s description of the jolting he had suffered, while his indignation was as much roused against the dishonest Willie Scrymgeour. ‘Well. Mr. Merrilees,’ said he, ‘you have been soberer last night than I thought you were; and as for that worthless grave digger, he has had these keys too long already; but he has now seen the last of them.’ The elder was as good as his word; the sexton was dismissed, and his place filled by a more trust-worthy individual, while the dozen of ‘strong ale’ was drank with much glee. FINIS. GRINNING MADE EASY; OR, FUNNY DICK’S UNRIVALLED COLLECTION OF JESTS, JOKES, BULLS, EPIGRAMS &c With many other descriptions of WIT & HUMOUR. [Illustration] GLASGOW: PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS. GRINNING MADE EASY. Mr. Serjeant Gardner, being lame of one leg, and pleading before the late Judge Fortescue, who had little or no nose, the judge told him, he was afraid he had but a lame cause of it. Oh! my lord, said the serjeant have but a little patience, and I’ll warrant I prove every thing as plain as the nose on your face!