John Cheap, the Chapman's Library. Vol. 1: Comic and Humorous: The Scottish Chap Literature of Last Century, ClassifiedGraham, Dougal
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John Cheap, the Chapman's Library. Vol. 1: Comic and Humorous: The Scottish Chap Literature of Last Century, Classified
Graham, Dougal
Chapbooks, Scottish; English literature -- 18th century; Graham, Dougal, 1724-1779; Popular literature -- Scotland
8. A young English girl falling in love with a Scotchman, she
petitioned him several times for to marry her: which he refused.
So, to be revenged on him, she went to a Justice, and swore a rape
against him, which is death by the law. George hearing of this,
went to the prison where the young man was, and instructed him how
to behave before the judge. So in the time of the trial George
came in while the judge was crying to the man, but never a word
he could get him to answer, to tell whether he was guilty or not.
After the justice had given him over for deaf and dumb, others fell
a shouting in his ears, but never a word he would speak. Then the
judge, perceiving George, called him, saying, George, do you know
what is the matter with this man? Yes, I do very well, says George.
What is it? says the judge. Why, says George, the woman made such a
noise and crying when he was ravishing her, it has put the poor man
quite deaf, I assure you. Is it so? says the justice. No, no, says
the woman, my Lord Justice, you may believe me, I lay as mute as
a lamb, and never spoke a word all the time. Very well confessed,
said the justice, and you have sworn a rape upon him. Take the
w---- to prison, and let the poor man go about his business, and so
it ended.
PART II.
George happened one time to be in company with a bishop, and so
they fell to dispute anent education, and he blanked the bishop
remarkably, and the bishop himself owned he was worsted.--Then
one of the company addressed himself to him in these words: thou,
Scot, said he, should not have left thy country. For what? says he,
because thou has carried all the wisdom that is in it thither with
thee. No, no, says he, the shepherds in Scotland will dispute with
any bishop in London, and exceed them very far in education. The
bishops then took this as an affront, and several noblemen affirmed
it to be as the Scot had said: bets were laid on each side, and
three of the bishops were chosen, and sent away to Scotland to
dispute it with the shepherds, accompanied with several others,
who were to bear witness of what they should hear pass between
them. Now, George knowing which way they went, immediately took
another road and was in Scotland before them. He then made an
acquaintance with a shepherd on the border whose pasture lay on
the wayside where the bishops were to pass: and there he mounted
himself in shepherd’s dress: and when he saw the bishops appear,
he conveyed his flock to the roadside, and fell a chanting at a
Latin ballad. When the bishops came up to George, one of them asked
him in French what o’clock it was? To which he answered in Hebrew,
it is directly about the time of the day it was yesterday at this
time. Another asked him, in Greek, what countryman he was? To which
he answered in Flemish, if ye knew that, you would be as wise as
myself. A third asked him, in Dutch, where was you educated? To
which he answered, in Earse, herding my sheep between this and
Lochaber.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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