My first journey was through Old Kilpatrick, I got no meat nor money until the evening I began to ask for lodging, then every wife to get me away would either give me a cogful of kail, or a piece of cake. Well says I to myself, if this be the way, I shall begin in the morning to ask for lodging, or any time when I am hungry. Thus I continued going from house to house, until my belly was like to burst, and my pockets could hold no more; at last I came to a farmer’s house, but thinking it not dark enough to prevail for lodging, I sat down upon a stone at the end of the house, till day light would go away; and as I was getting up to go into the house, out comes the goodwife, and sat down at the end of the stone. I being at the other, there she began to let off her water with full force, which I bore with very modestly, till near an end; then she made the wind follow with such force, as made, as I thought the very stone I leaned upon to move, which made me burst out into laughter; then up gets the wife and runs for it; I followed hard after into the house, and as I entered the door, I heard the goodman saying, Ay, ay, goodwife, what’s the haste, you run sae fast. No more passed, until I addressed the goodman for quarters; which he answered, ‘indeed lad, we hae nae beds but three, my wife and I ourselves twa, and the twa bits o’ little anes, Willy and Jenny lie in ane; the twa lads, our twa servant men, Willy Black and Tom I’ve, lie in anither; auld Maggs my mither, and the lass Jean Tirrem lie thegither, and that fills them a’.’ O but, says I, goodman, there is some of them fuller than others, you may let me lie with your mither and the lass; I shall lie heads and thraws wi’ them, and keep on my breeks. A good keep me, quo’ the lass frae a’ temptations to sin, although thou be but a callan, heth I’ll rather lie wi’ Sannock Garnor. Hout awa, quo, the auld wife, the poor lad may lie an a bottle o straw beyond the fire. No, no, cries the goodwife, he’s no be here the night, or I’se no be here. Dear goodwife, said I, what ails you at me! If you will not let me stay, you’ll not hinder me to go where I please. Ay, ay, said she, gae where you like; then I got in beyond the fire, beside the goodman. Now, said I goodwife, I like to be here. A d----l be here, and ye be here the night, said she. Ho, ho, said I, but I’m here first and first comed, first served, goodwife; but if the ill thief be a friend of yours, you’ll hae room for him too. Ye thief-like widdifu’ said she, are ye evening me to be sib to the foul thief; tis weel kend I am com’d o’ gude honest folks. It may be so, goodwife, said I, but ye look rather the other way, when you would lodge the devil in your house, and ca’ out a poor chapman to die, such a stormy night as this. What do ye say, says she, there wasna a bonnier night since winter came in than this? O goodwife, what are ye saying, do ye no mind when you and I was at the east end of the house, such a noise of wind and water was then.