John Henry Smith: A humorous romance of outdoor lifeAdams, Frederick Upham
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John Henry Smith: A humorous romance of outdoor life
Adams, Frederick Upham
Humorous stories; Outdoor life -- Fiction
As I followed its flight I saw a farm wagon in the road. The driver had
stopped his team, and was standing up watching Harding. I recognised
Farmer Bishop, and noted that his sallow face was distorted in a
disdainful grin, which froze on his lips when he saw the ball curving
toward him.
It is difficult for an experienced golfer to dodge a sliced drive, even
when he has a chance to run to one side or the other, but all that
Bishop could do was to duck, which he did, with the result that the
ball hit his left temple. He half fell and half jumped to the ground,
and was not so badly hurt as to prevent his being the maddest
agriculturist I have seen in many years.
He danced up and down at the edge of the road, his hand to his head,
warm, loud words flowing in a torrent from his mouth.
Harding dropped his club and we both ran toward the injured man. Harding
was the first to reach the fence, but he did not climb over.
"Did it hit you?" he asked Bishop.
The farmer took one more hop and then turned and faced the railroad
magnate. There was a lump over his eye bigger than a hen's egg, and on
it I could see the bramble marks of the ball. It was a moment before his
rage permitted utterance. He spit out a mouthful of tobacco so as not to
be handicapped.
"Did you hit me; you dod-gasted old poppinjay of a fat dude!" he
exclaimed, shaking a brawny, freckled fist at Harding. "Did you hit me;
you flabby old chromo! Do you suppose I fall out of my wagon and dance
up and down this road for exercise; you old boiled lobster?"
"I am very sorry, sir," said Harding, amusement and growing anger
struggling for mastery. "I wasn't shooting in this direction. Something
happened to my ball; what do you call it, Smith?"
[Illustration: "Did it hit you?"]
"You sliced it," I said.
"That's it; I sliced it," declared Harding, as if that were more or less
of a valid excuse.
"You come over that fence an' I'll slice you!" roared Bishop, taking a
step forward. "Things have come to a fine pass in this country if an
honest farmer can't take his milk to town without riskin' bein' murdered
by plutocrats with 'sliced balls' and all that blankety-blank tommyrot.
Climb over on this side of the fence an' I'll lick seven kinds of
stuffin' out of you in erbout a minute."
"Keep your shirt on!" retorted Harding, "you won't lick nobody."
He looked curiously at the maddened farmer.
"Your name is Bishop, isn't it?" he asked, and I wondered how he
happened to know.
"Yes, my name's Bishop," was the sullen and defiant answer.
"Jim Bishop?"
"Yes; Jim Bishop."
Harding grinned good-naturedly.
"Don't you know who I am?" he asked.
"No, I don't, and I don't give a damn!" replied Bishop, looking at him
more closely, I thought.
"Did you know a young fellow named Harding when you were a boy?" asked
Harding.
"Bob Harding?"
"Yes, Bob Harding!"
"Do you mean to tell me that you're the Bob Harding who uster live on a
farm near Buckfield, Maine?" asked Bishop, the anger dying from his
voice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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