Day after day I saw my last few dollars leak away, and, though I
replenished my thin purse at times by pawning everything pawnable I had,
yet this, too, gradually oozed away. Fortunately I had plenty of
clothes, which I had bought in my flush days, so I could still make a
respectable appearance.
As money got low all sorts of schemes used to present themselves to me
to replenish my pocket. One was to go out as a laborer on the streets,
clean bricks, or do anything. I was not lazy. I would have walked around
the world for a case. I do not think I was ashamed of it, for I knew it
was respectable, but I was afraid some one I knew might pass by; I was
afraid that Pushkin or Mrs. Starling might see me, and--yes, that that
young girl from the colonial house might recognize me. I had often
thought of her violets since I had dropped them into my pocket-book. And
now, when this idea came to me, I took them out and looked at them. They
still retained a faint fragrance. What would be the result if she should
pass by and see me cleaning bricks--me a laborer, and Pushkin--the
thoughts came together--should see me? I would win on my own line if it
took me all my life.
The idea of Pushkin suggested another plan. Why not gamble? Gambling was
gentlemanly--at least, gentlemen gambled. But did they play for a
living? I had gambled a little myself in the past; played poker, and,
like most men, prided myself on my game, though I generally lost in the
long run; and when I was making good resolutions after my failure, I had
made up my mind never to play again anywhere. And I had always held to
the opinion that, as soon as a man played for his living, he crossed the
line and ceased to be a gentleman. Now, however, it began to appear to
me as if this were the only plan by which I could make anything, and as
if I should have a good excuse for breaking my resolution. I resisted
the temptation for some time; but one night, when I had pawned nearly
everything and had only three or four dollars left, I went out, and
after a long but half-hearted battle gave up, as such are always lost,
and turned into a street across an alley from my office where I knew
there was a gambling place over a saloon kept by one Mick Raffity. I
went boldly up the stairs. Even as I mounted them I felt a sort of
exhilaration. I stopped at the door and my old resolution not to play
again stirred and struggled a little. I caught it, however, with a sort
of grip almost physical, and gave it a shake till it was quiet. I knew I
should win. The blaze of light within cheered me, and, without
hesitating an instant, I walked across the room to where a crowd stood
watching the play of some one seated at a table. It was a large and
richly decorated room, with a few rather daring pictures on the walls
and much gilding about the ceiling. The hot air, heavy with tobacco
smoke and fumes of one kind and another, met me in a blast as I entered,
and involuntarily I thought of a sweat-shop I had once seen in my
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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