John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the WarHill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
History
John Smith's Funny Adventures on a Crutch: Or The Remarkable Peregrinations of a One-legged Soldier after the War
Hill, A. F. (Ashbel Fairchild)
Disabled veterans -- United States -- Fiction; United States -- History -- Civil War, 1861-1865 -- Veterans -- Fiction
To prove that I wasn’t, I paused to admire it, and fearlessly laid my
hand upon its head. Thereupon, it capered around me, joyfully, and made
a succession of springs upon me as though to kiss me. Just then three
juvenile canines, that I had not observed before, came running from the
kennel; and their resemblance to the adult one was so striking, that I
had no difficulty in making out the fact that a near relationship
existed between and among them. I stooped down to pat one of the little
beauties on the head, and just then, the big one made another playful
spring at my face, not with any intention of biting me,—I’ll be sworn to
that,—when one of its confounded, awkward teeth struck me just below the
eye and penetrated to the cheek-bone; and the crimson “gore” flowed from
the incision.
It was a most provoking circumstance, for the clerk was looking from the
window, and the landlord and another man just then appeared at the
stable-door, all thinking that the dog had bitten me; which placed me in
a ridiculous light, in the eyes of the clerk, after my boast that dogs
were not in the habit of biting me. Although the dog did not purposely
hurt me, and was still capering about, playfully, I execrated its
awkwardness, and felt that I could have knocked the top of its head off
with my crutch—had no one been looking. It was a female dog, too, and I
told it so, very concisely, in my vexation: which was all the
satisfaction I had.
* * * * *
Traveling incessantly for forty-eight hours, I reached Philadelphia on a
winter night, when the wind was howling and the snow falling fast. I had
slept very little on the trains during the last two nights, and it might
well be surmised that an individual like John Smith (or “any other man”)
would feel like “turning in,” under the circumstances. Such a conclusion
would be but rational.
But it is said that, “Man is a creature of circumstances;” and that
adage was fully exemplified by my remarkable experience on that
memorable night.
I had already instructed the baggage-agent on the Pennsylvania Central
train to send my trunk to my residence, and I was just stepping forth
from the depot, at Thirty-first and Market streets, with the view of
walking home through the jovial snow-storm, when a familiar voice
accosted me with:
“Hallo, Smith! Where have you been this long time? Where are you going?”
I recognized a young friend named Feeny, who was standing near a sleigh,
to which two handsome and spirited horses were attached. In the sleigh
sat another friend named Aaron, who also said:
“Why, Smith! How do you do? Glad to see you. Where have you been?”
“In the West,” I replied.
“Going home?”
“Yes.”
“Not going to walk?”
“Yes.”
“O, don’t do that! Get into the sleigh with Feeny and me, and ride.”
“By all means,” urged Feeny.
“Are you going directly home?” They lived near my residence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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