“Alderman,” said I, “my name is John Smith, and I reside in Philadelphia. I come before you to prefer against one Robert H * * * *,—a fellow calling himself Chief of Police—a charge of assault and battery.” “What! Not assault and battery on you—a cripple!” “Yes, sir, sad as the case is, it is true. I charge him with assault and battery. Please take my deposition. I have other witnesses. General P * * * * * * is one of them. He saw it.” “Ah! He was present?” “Yes, sir.” I was then sworn to tell “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth;” and I then made my statement—“in accordance with the _facts_.” “Come to-morrow afternoon at four o’clock,” said the Alderman. “I will have him here to answer at that time.” “I will. Thank you.” Next day I was at the Alderman’s “on time.” I had not been there long before Robert H * * * * stepped in. The Alderman had just finished making out a commitment for a lady, who had struck another in the face eight times with a broomstick for doubting her word, and saying so, pointedly; and he was now ready to attend to our case. “Alderman,” said Chief Robert, with his usual arrogant air, “I want to get this trifling affair delayed for a week, as all my witnesses are out of town. I can’t attend to it before next Friday. That will be just a week from to-day.” “Alderman,” I put in, rising from my chair, “I respectfully object to any such delay. I am traveling, and it is not consistent with my interests to remain in the city beyond a day or two: and the _prisoner_ knows it.” On my styling the defendant the _prisoner_, he scowled on me like a very demon, and I felt that it wouldn’t have been pleasant to have had my life in his exclusive keeping, just then. “Alderman,” he said, fairly choking with malignant anger, “it will be impossible to get my witnesses soon, and you must give me a show.” “It is singular,” I urged, addressing the Alderman, “that I, who am a comparative stranger here, can find and produce my witnesses so much sooner than the defendant, who is an official here, and ought to be well acquainted. I most earnestly object to any such delay, as it would be scarcely just to detain me here, on expense, especially when business calls me away soon.” “Probably,” insinuated the Chief, “the gentleman’s _business_ is not so urgent—if he _is_ a gentleman.” “Mr. H * * * *,” said the Alderman, who was too honest to allow any one to be insulted in his office, “the plaintiff _appears_ to be a gentleman. However, it is not to be discussed here whether he is or not. That is not to the point.” “Mr. Alderman,” I remarked, calmly, “if our respective behavior here were taken as evidence, I think I could be proved quite as much of a gentleman as the defendant.” “We’ll see about that by the time I get my witnesses,” said Chief Robert. “_I’ve_ been keeping an eye on him since he came to the city, _I_ know——”