June iz twin sister tew May, lacking a month. She iz named after Juno, the spouze ov Jupiter, and she waz a stirring woman. June iz the mother of rozes and milk. June iz the stepmother of good gras butter, she iz also grate granmother ov Bakon and Spinnage. June iz a praktikal gusher, and i love tew stand one side, and let her gush,--i hav made it a rule never tew git in the way ov a gush ov enny kind,--i say tew everything, gush! oh, gush! _WORDS TEW HOUSEWIFES._ To make a cheap soup, take 5 drops ov good strong onion juice, add 2 gall's ov water, bile 10 minnitts karefully, and seazon with a couple ov phatt cockroches. * * * * * To make a hoe kake, take a hoe and bile it tew a thin jell, and then,--let her kake * * * * * Tew skin a Eel, turn him inside out, and remove the meat with a Jack plane * * * * * Tew make a hen lay 2 eggs a day, reazon with her; if that dont dew, threaten to chastize her if she dont. * * * * * Tew learn yure offspring to steal, make them beg hard for all that yu giv them. 30 Days. JUNE. 1870. Q.--Whi are robbers like rain? @ @ @ @ A.--Bekauze they fall on the just and the unjust. [Illustration] _Now bate yure hook, and find a brook, Where water runs the fasstest, Thare lays the trout, jist jerk him out, And chuck him in yure basket._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Prognostix._ | _OATS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| W || _At times warm_ @ _at_ | | | 2| T || @ @ _other times_ | The time tew be karefullest iz | | 3| F || @ _warmer_ @ @ | when we hav a hand full ov | | 4| S || muskeeters @ @ @ | trumps. | | 5| G || @ _8_ looking for a | | | 6| M || job @ @ Sinbad | * * * * * | | 7| T || the sailor @ | Old dorgs nuss their grudges, | | 8| W || @ wrecked @ | but yung purps fite, and then | | 9| T || @ 1385 _hot sighns_ | frolick. | |10| F || _ov warm_ @ @ | | |11| S || _weather 8_ straw | * * * * * | |12| G || berrys @ 25 | | |13| M || cents a quart @ | Mother!--The holy thoughts, | |14| T || @ @ strawberrys | and memorys, that cluster around | |15| W || large, quarts small @ | this name, can never be so well | |16| T || @ _showers_ @ @ | expressed, az in the calm utterance | |17| F || _with_ @ @ _rain_ @ @ | ov the name itself. | |18| S || remember the @ | |