The kuntry skool mom iz allwuss about 23 years, and six months old, and remains rite thare for a term ov years. She wears her hair either kut short, or hanging around in ringlets, and iz az precise in every thing, az a pair ov Fairbanks' improved platform skales. She never laffs out loud, and seldum even smiles, but when she duz, she duz it ackording to the rules laid down by Murray, for speaking, and pronouncing, the English language propperly. She iz the very oil ov propriety, and would rather be four years behind the fashions in bonnetts, than to spell a word wrong, or parse a sentence inkorrektly. The kuntry skool mom seldum dies an old maid, she gits marrid to sum man who haz less larning than she haz, and he thinks (az he ought to) that thare aint another sutch a larnt woman az hiz wife iz, in all kreashun. With all her precise foolishness i luv, and respekt, the kuntry skool mom, she taut me mi letters, and larnt me how to spel, she waz pashunt while i waz stupid, she soothed me when i waz frackshus, and she often (good soul) giv me a titbit from her luncheon at noon time. May Heaven bless, and comfort her, for she iz poorly paid, and iz stepmother to every boddys yung ones. _STOP._ A man will liv longer on onions, and abuse, than on enny other 2 things i kno ov. * * * * * Yung man, mark yure goose up hi, two thirds ov the world hav no other idea of value, only by the price that iz put onto things. 31 Days. MAY. 1876. Q.--What iz honesty? @ @ @ A.--The wag ov a dogs tail. @ @ @ [Illustration] _Johnny then bought a hard trotter, And rode himself weak az a rag, Then sold him for 19 dollars, Just haff that he gave for the nag._