The quack knows he iz a ded beat, but he allso knows that mankind luv to be cheated. He allwuss haz sum speshiallity, and the more difikult iz the disseaze, the more brazen iz he, in hiz offers to kure it. He preys upon the unfortunate, and it would be az unprofitable to prove malpraktiss aginst him, az it would bigamy, aginst a wharf rat. _THE DEAKON._ The deakon iz the fust lutenant in a meeting house. He iz a good christian man, but hiz kreed iz too often az mutch bother to him, az a yoke iz to a goose. He iz az full ov bizzness, and proviso's az a wimmins rites convenshen. He often haz more pitty than branes, and generally, more fuss, than either. A good deakon, in a naborhood, iz a substanshall blessing, and bad deakons, thank Heaven, hav allwuss been skarse. _SOLLUM THINGS._ The world iz bankrupt in morals, and if kind heaven wont settle with us, for 10 cents on the dollar, the devil will git the whole thing bi foreclosure. * * * * * Yu may make a servant ov a friend, but yu kant make a friend ov a servant, it aint natral. 30 Days. SEPTEMBER. 1878. [Illustration] _The street boys git at him, And ride him around, 'Till he staggers, and stumbles, And falls to the ground._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Brevitys._ | _ECHOS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| G || @ Breezy @ 'list | | | 2| M || @ to @ the @ |Whenever yu cum akrost a | | 3| T || @ mocking bird @ |man, who praizes yu immoderaterly, | | 4| W || @ a fine day @ |and kusses every boddy | | 5| T || @ now chew @ |else in proportion, yu kan make | | 6| F || @ @ cherrys @ @ |up yure mind, that yure turn for | | 7| S || @ cool @ Dave @ |kussing will cum soon. | | 8| G || @ Markham died @ | | | 9| M || @ 1790 @ milder @ | * * * * * | |10| T || @ Dave died @ | | |11| W || @ ov skarsity @ |Experiense haz no effect on sum | |12| T || @ @ ov breth @ @ |people, they are like an old frog | |13| F || @ @ more @ @ |in a mud puddle, yu kan ketch | |14| S || @ mildness @ |him without even enny bait on | |15| G || @ huckleberrys are @ |yure hook, and thro him bak agin, | |16| M || @ here @ cool |az often az yu hav a mind to. | |17| T || | | |18| W || @ sighns @ | | |19| T || @ Dan Tucker @ | * * * * * | |20| F || @ born 1832 @ | |