Tew kno exackly whare the sighn iz, multiply the day ov the month bi the sighn, then find a dividend that will go into a divider four times without enny remains, subtrakt this from the sighn, add the fust quoshunt tew the last divider, then multiply the whole ov the man's boddy bi all the sighns, and the result will be jist what yu are looking after. _BILLINGS' FAMILY TIME TABLE._ Amazi begot Hezaki, Hezaki begot Eldad, Eldad begot Behomath, Behomath begot Zepheniah (_Zepheniah waz a conumdrum maker, sum ov which hav been handed down down_), Zepheniah begot Ezekiel, Ezekiel begot Issacher (_Issaker waz a bad speller, which haz bin handed down too_), Issaker begot Nehemiah, Nehemiah begot Methuseler, Methuseler begot Nabob (_Nabob waz a snob_), Nabob begot Jerrymiah, and Jerrymiah begot Absolum Billings (_who is admitted bi every boddy who remembers him tew be the most humblyest looking man in the 9th Century_). Absolum begot Josh, and so they kept bizzy begotting. After the Billings family once struck the front name, _Josh_, they clung tew it. I find over 6 hundred ov that name extant, besides a grate menny who haz bekum extanted. The Billings hav bin a helthy old breed az fur back az i have dug for them, which they owe principally tew a milk diet. It iz sed that Behomath Billings, one ov our pristines, could drean a cow perfektly dry at one sitting. If this iz so, it helps explain the great amount ov milk in the Billings natur. I dont find enny old bachelors, nor old maids, amung our ansesstors, inkrease and multiply haz alwus bin the battle cry of the Billings. OPINIONS OF THE PRESS AFTER SEEING THE ADVANCE SHEETS OV Josh Billings' Farmers' Allminax FOR THE YEAR 1870. "We seldum notis the current Amerikan literature ov the day, but the Billings Allminax, soon tew be issued by Carleton, is a work for the mothers of the Amerikan Union."--_London Times, June 6th, 1869._ * * * * * "Josh Billings' Farmers' Allminax iz az phull ov gems az a diamond neklace, az phull of knowledge az Webster's Spellin Book, and az phull of cooking and cures az a parson's wife."--_London Atheneum, May 31st, 1869._ * * * * * "The virtewous thoughts in Josh's Allminax iz gin cocktails for the idle, and brandy straights for the viscious."--_Atlantik Semi-Monthly, May 3d, 1869._ * * * * * "The Billings' Allminax will prove a rare acquisition tew Amerikan literature; the astronomikal calculashuns are unique, the language elegant, the moral perfekt, the sentiments just, and the whole thing extremely bully."--_Boston Ledger, May 1st, 1869._ * * * * *