The Raccon iz a native amerikan. His family consists ov one wife, and three children, who liv with him on the inside ov a tree. During the winter he ties himself up in a hard knot, and lays down bi hiz fire side. When spring opens, he opens too, and goes out tew see how the chickens hav wintered. I never knew a raccon tew want enny thing long, that he could steal quick. I hav had tame coons bi the dozen, but i dont advise enny boddy tew cultivate coons; they want as much waiting on az a blind mule on a tow path, and thare aint enny more real proffit in them, than thare iz in a stock dividend, on the Erie railroad. _HOME DOINGS._ Tew freshen a salt mackerel,--tow him one summer behind a steam bote. Tew make a man good mad,--starch hiz stockings a leetle too stiff. Tew be one ov the "_oldest inhabitants_," remember very well, when yung Nebudkenezzer waz a babe. Tew be happy,--eat molasses, and swing on a gate. 31 Days. OCTOBER. 1871. Q.--What did Joner do while in the whale's stumak? A.--The best thing he did waz tew git out ov it. @ [Illustration] _Sweet cider now, and punkin pize, And maidens fair, and doughnuts greasy: Who wouldn't be a farmer's boy, So phull ov phun, so free and eazy?_ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _History._ | _BEEFSTAKE AND ONIONS._ | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| G || _Gentle frost_ @ |Thare aint but phu men who | | 2| M || @ cider invented |kan stick a white hankerchief into | | 3| T || 1536 @ _sighns |the brest pocket ov their overcut | | 4| W || ov snow_ @ _wind_ @ |without letting a leetle ov it | | 5| T || _shifty_ @ _it may |stick out,--just bi acksident. | | 6| F || snow, and it may | * * * * * | | 7| S || not_ @ _calm |A cheerful old man, or old | | 8| G || coldness_ @ now |woman, iz like the south side ov | | 9| M || potatoes dig @ _wind_ |a wood shed, in the last ov | |10| T || @ _nor by |winter. | |11| W || nor west_ @ | | |12| T || @ David slewed | * * * * * | |13| F || Goliar | | |14| S || _cooler_ @ with a | Men mourn for what they hav | |15| G || small rock @ hens |lost, wimmin for what they | |16| M || begin to lay @ |hain't got. | |17| T || | | |18| W || _snow squalls_ @ | * * * * * | |19| T || _cold_ @ let it | It iz very eazy tew repent ov | |20| F || squall who cares @ |sins we hav committed, but to | |21| S || |repent ov thoze we intend tew |