* * * * * The lady born this month will hav blew eyes, and a full set ov teeth. Her heart will be az tender az a porterhouse steak. She will keep a lap dorg, who will hav weak eyes, and whose christian name will be Fanny. She will die and leave a bed-quilt, which will go down tew posterity, with upwards of 7 hundred blocks in it. [_Advertizement._] _JOB SARGENT'S KLENSING SOPE._ Job Sargent, being ov sound mind, and expressly afrade ov the devil, dont hesitate tew say that his klensing sope will take the spots oph from everything. 1st. It will remove the spots from a coach dog in 3 daze. 2d. It will take the spots oph from a ten ov dimonds in 15 minnits. 3d. Kan the leopard change his spots?--i answer it kan, bi using Job Sargent's only klensing sope. 4th. Persons ov a spotless reputashun, and anxious tew keep so, will never be without this sope. 5th. Job Sargent never told a lie--so did George Washington. 30 Days. APRIL. 1872. Q.--What iz the fastest trotting-time on reckord? A.--I dont kno az I kare. @ @ @ @ [Illustration] _A sloven farmer waz old Snyder; He spent his time a drinkin syder. Together he worked a cow and muel, And never sent his boys tew skewel._ +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ |@ | @ || _Kalkulashuns._ | _HOOKS_ AND _EYES_. | +--+---++------------------------+-------------------------------------+ | 1| M || @ Now sort yure | | | 2| T || rats @ @ | Yu kant konvert sinners bi | | 3| W || _sum rain_ @ | preaching the gospel tew them at | | 4| T || sow yure hoss- | haff-price. Enny sinner who iz | | 5| F || radish @ @ | anxious tew git hiz religion in | | 6| S || @ _hot, but wet_ @ | that way iz satisfied with a poor | | 7| G || @ hoss-radish iz a | artikle. | | 8| M || smart vegatable @ | | | 9| T || @ Bill Kurtis | * * * * * | |10| W || born 1749 @ @ @ | | |11| T || @ _sighns ov rain_ @ | Prudes are coquets gone tew | |12| F || | seed. | |13| S || Bill Kurtis had | | |14| G || a | * * * * * | |15| M || wodden leg @ @ | | |16| T || _mild, but pleazant_ | | |17| W || @ @ now bury beans | Thare iz no better evidence ov | |18| T || @ @ _warm wet_ | wisdum than tew beleave what we | |19| F || @ beans are a | kant understand. | |20| S || joyful krop @ | |