Onse more: If a drafted man shud run awa with hiz draft, he proberly wouldn't ever be allowed to stand a draft agin, this looks severe at fust site, but the more yu look at it, the more yu can see the wisdom into it. Onse morely: Xempts are thoze who hav bin drafted into the stait prizzen, for triing tu git an honest living bi supporting 2 wives at onst; also, all them people who are crazee, and unsound on the goose; also, all nusepaper korrespondents and fools in general. Onse morely again: No substidude will be acksepted, who iz less than 3, or more than 10 feet high, he must know how to chaw terbacker and drink whiskee, and must'nt be afeered ov the itch nor the rebels. Moral Karakter aint required, the government furnishes that, and rashuns. Conclusively: No person kan be drafted but twice in 2 different plases without hiz consent, but awl men haz a rite tu be drafted at least onst; i don't think even a rit ov habus corpus could deprive a man ov this laste, blessed privlege. XI. AFFURISMS. Truth iz the onla thing I kno ov that kant be improved upon. If yu want tew git a sure krop, and a big yield for the seed, sow wilde oats. An insult tew one man iz an insult tew aul men. Cunning is curiosity satisfied, and curiosity satisfied iz wisdom. Wize men don't expeck tu do away with the visisitudes ov life, they onla expeck tew blunt the edge ov them. Yu kan gorge avaris, but ambishun knows no gorge but the grave. A sarkastic wit iz a kind ov human pole-cat. If thare is enny thing on this arth that angels kant imitate 'tis a vartuous yung man trampling temtashun under hiz feet. I had rather be a reseiver ov stolen goods than the keeper ov men's sekrets. Fame iz jist about az mutch use tew a ded man as 5.20's wud be, interest payable in goold. Sum people hav the power ov saing a good deal in a fu words, while others hav the power ov saing a little in a good menny wurds. Slander iz played on a tin horn, while truth steals forth like the dieing song ov a lute. Yu kan judge ov sum men's karakters onla bi what they eat and drink. "Truth iz stranger than ficshun"--that iz tew sum folks. I hav found a grate menny things in this wurld that waz _free_--free az a well tew git into, but like a rat trap, not edzackly free tu git out ov. "Meet me bi moonlite alone," iz awl well enuff under sum circumstances; but moonlite me for meat alone, iz not so well ennuff, under enny circumstances. I don't kno ov but one thing on arth that kan improve a good wife, and that iz buty. After you hav made up yure mind jist what you are going to du, then iz a good time tew dew it. We often hear ov men, who hav cum within an inch ov dieing, and i haint enny dout thare iz sum, that evry boddy wuld lik tew hear had cum within an inch ov bein born. "The lapse ov ages," iz a pleasant thing tew dwell upon, but after awl, verry mutch depends upon the ages ov the laps.