Evra boddy, more or lessly, hankers after fashun. Fashun makes the poor ambishus, and it makes the rich affabil; it makes the vartuous cheerful, and it makes the humbly kind ov handsum, and thare iz no reson why it shud make the modest bold, enny more than elegense shud make the butiful wicked. Thare has alwus bin wolfs in sheeps clothing, and fashun will okasionally be used for the same purpis, but that aint enny reson why mutton aint good, nor why fashun shud be hipokrasy. Bekauze sum peopil are slaves tu fashun only proves its power, and yu will find that thoze who are its slaves are ginerally free from moste ov the big sins that humin natur iz subjec tu. The big minded, and the noble, adopt fashun jist az tha du enny uther proper kustom, simpla bekause it iz the fashun. It is tru that sum ov the fashuns are absurd, and it is tru that sum ov the vartues are absurd also. If a fashun kant be maid tu square itself tu the rules ov either good cense or good taist, it aint fashun, it is consait. A grate menny folks ced that whoops was a failure, but tha held their own, and grew nisely; tha are realy evra thing in a hot da. I shud like tu set in one all thru Juli and August; a feller wud be as cool as a dog's nose in a wire muzzel. The essa is thru. [Illustration: The occasional effect of Santa Cruz Rum on a gentleman of genial spirits.--_See page 80._] XXIV. REMARKS. Marrying a woman for her munny is vera mutch like setting a rat-trap, and baiting it with yure own finger. "Between tew evils chuze the least." Brandee and gin, for instance, which will yu hav? Perhaps sum philosophick mind kan tell me why the Jews never eat whats on the left side ov a baked goose. If men had a good deal more faith than tha had kommon sense, moste ov them wud expek tu liv, as Eliger ov old did. When a man's harte gits up into his hed, his charitees will smell tu mutch ov wisdom; and when his hed gits down into his harte, his wisdom smells tu much ov charitee. I wud as soon take a ten dollar kounterfit bill on the Kodfish Bank ov Nufoundland, as tu marry a woman with false hare, false teeth or a false buzzum. Men don't repli tu real sarkasm. Ginowine proverbs ar like good kambrick needles--short, sharp, and shiny. The fust man who was born inter the wurld, killed the sekund one, and i aint sure but it wud hav bin a good plan if the men had tuk their turns at killing ever sinse. Art improves a diamond, but kant make one. "Gra hares are honarabil," but I kno ov a grate menny gra _heds_ that the devil will keep under a glas kase, tu sho the curous in theze matters. XXV. PROVERBIAL PIG.