If Josh Billings haz ced a wurd, in what he haz now rit, wich iz kalkulated tu damp the arder ov one single aspirin' woman, he iz reddy tu shed tears, but i hav alwus thort that the very highly eddikated wimmin work best in single harniss. In konklusion, i sa, elevate the wimmin, but if their heds and their hartes bekum antagonicks in the operashun, i shall continner tu think that luv, swapped for wizdom, iz a doutful gain to the wimmin and a pozatif loss to us poor mail-claid devils. Mi christian friends, ajew! VII. DEPOZETIONS. Josh Billings being duly sworn deposes as follows. That, John Brown haz halted a fu days for refreshment. That, moste men had ruther sa a smart thing than tew dew a good one. That, baksliding iz a big thing, espeshila on ice. That, a live traitor smells wuss than a ded one. That, there iz 2 things in this life for which we are never fully prepared, and that iz twins. That, yu kant judge a man bi hiz religgun eny more than yu kan judge hiz shurt bi the size ov the collar and ristbands. That, the devil iz alwus prepared tew see kompany. That, it iz treating a man like a dog tew cut him oph short in hiz narrative. That, "ignoranse iz bliss," ignoranse of sawing wood, for instanse. That, menny will fale tew be saved simpla bekause tha haint got ennything tew saive. That, the vartues ov woman are awl her own, but her frailities hav bin taught her. That, dry _pastors_ are the best for flocks; flocks ov sheep i mean. That, men ov genius are like eagles, tha live on what tha kill, while men ov talents are like crows, tha live on what haz bin killed for them. That, some peoples are fond ov bragging about their ansesstors, and their grate descent, when in fack, their _grate descent_ iz jist what's the matter ov them. That, a woman kant keep a sekret nor let ennybody else keep one. That, "a little larning iz a dangerous thing"; this iz az tru az it iz common. That, sider brandee taken inwardly in large quantitys iz good--for a rat hole. That, a grate menny folks have bin eddikated oph from their feet. VIII. WAR AND ARMY PHRAZES. "A suckcessful Rade,"--cutting oph a turnpike within the enama's lines, and bringing in a blind mule, and 2 niggers tu board. "Reserv'd Korps,"--this i take it means our ophisers; who die at the tavern stands, and are stuffed, and cent home tu berry. "Bace of supplize,"--Unkle Samuel's pocket-Book. "Pickitts,"--these are surplus chaps, who ar cent out tu borry turbacker, and to see if the kussed rebels hav got enny pass. "An Armstise,"--giving the enema tu chances tu git licked instead ov one. "Militara Stratergee,"--trying to reduse a swamp by ketching the bilyus fever out ov it. "Lite Hoss Calvary,"--picked men who ride the hosses tu drink, when tha git thin. "Rekrutin Ophisers,"--individuals who are cent into the rural destriks, on a furlong, to rekrute--themselfs. "Armee Rashuns,"--back pay, and preserved beef!