The bigg toe learns from the operator at the stummuk offiss that "mock turtles and terrapins iz cumming in fast, and that old Gout may be expekted in a fu daze." The head inquires ov the noze, "What yu blowing about?" Answer, "Wet feet." The eyes wants tew kno ov the stummuk, "What they shall do to stop running?" Stummuk growls back, "Dam yure ize!" Head sees sudden stars, and feels the shock ov an arthquake; telegraffs awl over the boddy for an explanation; gits the following dispatch, after a while, from one of the lower offices: "Been down hard on the ice." Friend Bulwer, in the remarks ov the poet, I hold "that we are truly and wonderfully made." _Lager._--Yure inquiry iz eazily dispozed ov. Lager Beer iz not intoxikating. A man bi the name ov Laubenheimersmitt, who keeps a saloon, told me so. He sed he had one ov the little barrells in him at that time, and waz aktually suffering for a drouth. I think he iz a man who kan be depended upon, for he showed me a bolona sarsage, which he sed had bin in the family 67 years. It waz aul kivvered with wrinkles. He sed it had a nu wrinkle each year, like a kow's horn. I asked him on what prinsipals the bolona sarsage waz bilt? he sed he couldn't tell me, that thare hadn't bin enny nu ones bilt for menny years, on account of the grate demand for hosses on the canal. _Augustus._--Art haz improved natur, but whether sivilizashun haz improved moruls az mutch, I woodent like tu tell. Natur iz verry lucksuriant, and that iz what's the matter ov her. She iz like a punkin-vine, (grows without mercy,) and wood grow without punkins tew, but art kurbs the extravagunce, and makes the vines "sum punkins." Moruls ain't lucksuryant; they woodent be haff a crop if it wan't for sivilization; but like other things that are forced, they are made tu yeald so mutch, that the tree soon runs tu follyage and tawp, and don't bair mutch plums. I don't think the wirld haz got enny sivilizashun tew spare, but i dew think she haz got more than she kan manige well. I beleave in sivilizashun terribley; i wood like tu see even bares and woolfs and wildkats sivilizyed; but if sivilizashun only makes their hare softer, and only makes them growl less lowder, but makes their teeth sharper and their klaws longer, i think i like the heethen bare, for a steddy playmait, full az well az i dew the Christian bare. XLIX. THEM GOOD OLD DAZE. AS LONGED FOR BY JOSH BILLINGS. How i dew long (once in a whyle) for them good old daze. Them daze when the sun didn't rise before brekfast. Them daze when thare waz more fun in 30 cents than thare is now in 7 dollars and a half. Them daze when a man marrid 145 pounds ov woman, and less than 9 pounds (awl told) ov ennything else. How i dew long for them good old daze, when edukashun only konsissted in what a man did well. Them daze when deakons waz az austear az hoss radish, and ministers preached tew men's soals instead of their pockets.