"_Now mum, pleze, whare dew yu keep yure minits?_" P.S.--Comment seems tew be almoste unnecessary--but perhaps it will be safe tew add, that, if "ignorance iz bliss," Irish cooks must be the verry broth ov happiness. LI. MILK, WHISKEE AND BEER. MILK. I want tew say sumthing, ("_in petto_.") I want tew say sumthing, ("_entre nous_,") in reference to milk az a ferterlizer. Milk is spontaneous, ("_semper paratus_,") and haz did more tew encourage the growth ov the humin folks, ("_en passant_") than enny other liquid. Milk iz lakteal, ("_bizarre_;") it iz also aquatick, while under the patronage ov milk venders, ("_errare humanum est_.") Milk iz also misterious, ("_Le mot d'énigme_,") cokernut milk haz never bin solved yet. Milk iz also another name for humin kindness, ("_comme il faut_.") Milk and bred is a plesant mixtur. So iz milk and rum ("_Bonne bouche_") mellow tew contend with in a hot day, ("_multum in parvo_") ("_id est_," "_multum_" rum, "_in parvo_" milk.) Sumtimes, if milk iz allowed tew stand too long, ("_statu quo_,") a skum arizes tew the surface, ("_passim_,") which iz apt tew skare folks who live in citys, but it dus not foller, ("_non sequitur_,") that the milk iz nasty; this skum iz called cream bi folks who inhabit the kuntry, ("_magnus Apollo_.") Cream iz the parent ("_pater familias_") ov butter, and butter iz 45 cents a pound, ("_ora pro nobis_.") The most common milk in use, without doubt, ("_sans doute_") iz skim milk; skim milk iz made bi skinning the milk, ("_inter nos_,") this iz considered sharp praktiss, ("_coup de main_.") Milk iz obtained from cows, hogs, woodchucks, sheep, squirrels, rats, and awl other animals that wear hair. Snakes and geese don't discharge milk, ("_lusus naturæ_.") I forgot tew state in conclusion, ("_ultima Thule_,") that cow milk, if it iz well watered, brings 10 cents per quart, ("_Quod avertat Deus_.") WHISKEE. Whiskee iz the grate Amerikan bevridge. It iz the granddaddy ov awl our licker. Evrything that haz a good reliable drunk in it, iz at least couzin tew Whiskee or old Rie. Whiskee haz done a grate deal for this kuntry, in the way ov penitentiary homes, and houses for the poor, and i suppose, if it want for whiskee, theze houses would aktually hav tew shut up. They tell me that a bushell ov korn will make a gallon ov whiskee, and sum people, who are acquainted with statisticks, say, that a barrell ov whiskee will go further in a family, than a cow. I don't know exactly how fur a cow would go in a family, but i should think it would be eazier tew milk a barrell ov whiskee than a cow--still i hain't never figured on it, and it iz only guess-work with me.