They are about as uncalled for as a pain in the small ov the back. They kan be domestikated dreadful easy, that is, as far as gitting in cupboards, and eating cheese, and knawing pie, is concerned. The best way tew domestikate them that ever i saw, is tew surround them gently, with a steel trap; yu kan reason with them then tew grate advantage. Rats are migratorious, they migrately whare ever they hav a mind to. Pisen is also good for rats; it softens their whole moral naturs. Cats hate rats, and rats hate cats, and--who don't. I serpose thare is between 50 and 60 millions of rats in Amerika (i quote now entirely from memory,) and i don't serpose thare is a single necessary rat in the whole lot. This shows at a glance how menny waste rats thare is. Rats enhance in numbers, faster than shoe pegs do by machinery. One pair ov helthy rats is awl that enny man wants tew start the rat bissiness with, and in ninety days, without enny outlay, he will begin tew hav rats,--tew turn oph. Rats viewed from enny platform yu kan bild, are unspeakably cussid, and i would be willing tew make enny man who would destroy awl the rats in the United States, a valuable keepsake, say for instance either the life and sufferings ov Andy Johnson, in one vollum calf bound, or a receipt tew kure the blind staggers. LXIII. GIMBLITS. When a man loses hiz health then he fust begins tew take good care on it. This iz good judgment! this iz! * * * * * Most people decline tew learn only bi their own experiense. I guess they are more than 1/2 right, for I don't serpoze a man can git a perfek idee on molasses kandy bi letting another feller taste it for him. * * * * * It iz a getting so no-a-daze if a man kant cheat in sum way he aint happy. * * * * * Success in life iz verry apt tew make us forget the time when we wasn't much. It iz jist so with the frog on the jump; he kant remember when he waz a tadpole--but other folks kan. * * * * * An individual, tew be a fine gentleman, has either got tew be born so or be brought up so from infansy; he kant learn it suddin enny more than he kan larn how tew tork injun correkly bi praktising on a tommyhawk. * * * * * I wonder if thare ever waz an olde maid who ever herd on a match that she thought waz suitable. * * * * * If a man wants tew git at hiz aktual dimenshuns, let him visit a grave-yard. * * * * * I suppoze Adam iz the only man who ever lived and want never spanked. * * * * *