I hav oftin sett down square on the ice, bi having mi feet git out ov plase; but i never could see ennything in it tew laff at, (espeshila if thare waz sum water on the top ov the ise,) but i notis other folks kan. * * * * * Precepts are like kold bukwheat slap-jacks,--noboddy feels like being sassy tew them, nor noboddy wants tew adopt them. * * * * * If enny man wants tew be an olde bachelor, and git sick at a boarding tavern, and hav a back room in the 4th story, and hav a red haired chambermaid bring hiz water gruel tew him in a tin wash-basin, I hav alwus sed, and i stick tew it yet, he haz got a perfek right tew dew it. * * * * * It iz dreadful eazy work tew repent ov other folks sins--but not very profitable. LXIV. MORE CORRESPONDENCE. LONG BRANCH, August 24th. DEAR WEEKLY:--I seaze the opportunity--opportunitys are like pullet's eggs, they are small, and don't cum only one at a time--tew tell yu by letter how mutch I am infatuated with Long Branch. I arrived hear tew weeks ago, just in time tew see the Atlantick Ocean, which iz now on exhibition and doing a swelling bizziness tew full houses. The fust thing I did after mi arrival waz tew _go in_, and I waz astonished tew find the water so high seasoned. I asked an intelligent natiff who stood on the bank, with both ov hiz hands in hiz pantaloon pockets, the cauze ov this saltuous phenomenon, and he informed me "_he didn't care_." I think the cuss lied. It iz perfectly heart-rending, and fills one ov mi mellow nature with tumults ov genuwine sorrow, tew see the gross amount ov young femailes here on track ov husbands and prospective fathers. I counted 16 yesterday in one pile. They all drew in their breaths as I passed by them with downcast eyes. I felt sorry awl the way through for them, but couldn't give them enny releaf, for I am thoroughly marrid, and intend to keep so. Shoddy and Petroleum are both here, az full ov wind az a bellows, and attrakt az mutch attention az a pattent churn, warranted tew make good sweet butter from skim milk in ten minits; but they say "they shan't remain long, bekause it smells so much like old brine." Yesterday I went out a crabbing, and caught a cart load ov them (several ov them with my hands). Crabs bite with their feet, and hang on like a country cousin. Crabs are used for diet, but thare ain't mutch more meat in them than thare iz in a horse-shoe, and it iz about az difficult to arrive at. They also hav the musketow here, a musikil bug, in great profusion; they travel around loose, and seem to know everyboddy. The bathing here iz perfectly plenty, and the bathers resemble mermaids--half men and half wimmin--and when they emerge from the Atlantic Ocean you kant tell _which_ is _who_, unless you ask them.