play I had seen was one of the grandest of England's grandest poet.
What! was it a crime to come within the influence of such a teacher? I
could not believe it; I would not believe it. My father said my
inclinations were sinful, impious, misbegotten, and preached to me
sternly, uncompromisingly, until my heart--beating with indignation at
his injustice--was as hard to him as his was to me. Then he left the
room with a cold goodnight, and I went to bed. But before I went to
sleep, I took from my box the volume of Shakspeare containing the play
that I had seen, and as I read the noble verse, the men and women who
took part therein came and inspired me with the nobility of their
speech.
On the ensuing Sabbath my father preached against play-houses and
players. It is not necessary for me here to dilate upon his arguments;
they were the common arguments generally used against actors and their
abominations. Players were creatures of the devil, working in his
service for the damnation of souls. There was no heaven for them; by
their lives they earned damnation, and they received their wages in
another life. It was a strong sermon--"a beautiful sermon," as I heard
many men and women say to each other as they walked from the place of
worship; but it filled me with indignation. It was a challenge thrown
out to me, and I accepted it. I do not attempt to justify what I did;
but it seemed to me as if I should be false to myself if I did not do
it. On the following evening I went to the theatre early, and secured
a seat in the most conspicuous position, and sitting there the whole
night through, I applauded with more than my usual enthusiasm, and
even--perhaps I should be ashamed to say it--with purposed
demonstrativeness. It was like giving the lie to my father's teaching;
but I did not think of it then in that light. I was bound in honor to
a certain course of action, and I pursued it. When the play was over,
I walked about the town for an hour, filled with fervent passionate
admiration for what I had witnessed. It was past midnight when I
knocked at my father's door. No answer came. I knocked again. Still no
answer. I was standing in perplexity as to what I should do, when a
piece of paper fluttered on to the pavement from a window above. I
picked it up, and saw that it was addressed to me. It was in my
father's handwriting, and it told me in a few simple words that, as I
had chosen to commit a sinful outrage upon his cloth, and upon his
sermon of the previous day, he disowned me as a son and cast me off. A
postscript was added, to the effect that, upon my calling at or
sending to a certain place every week, I could receive a small sum of
money sufficient to keep me from want, but that if I adopted the stage
as a calling, the money would be withheld. In the event of my adopting
the stage, my father asked me as a favor to change my name. I never
received a farthing of the money; I would have died rather than have
taken it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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