Josiah Allen on the Woman QuestionHolley, Marietta
General
Josiah Allen on the Woman Question
Holley, Marietta
Feminism -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Sex role -- Fiction; Women's rights -- Fiction
Luella Pitkin's bo died durin' engagement, and she never wanted to look
at a man after that. And her sister, Drusilla, wuz all took up with
music, and no man could ever take the place with her of B flat, or high
G.
And Abigail Mooney's feller she wuz engaged to got led off and married
another girl, and Abigail went into a incline and the doctor had hard
work to raise her up, besides all her own folks did with spignut and
wild cherry bark and other strengthenin' and soothin' herbs.
And Almina Hagadone's feller left her because she fell and broke her
hip durin' engagement. And Id'no but it wuz for the best, for how could
she bring up a fambly with only one hip.
And so it went on, the hull train of single wimmen swep' through my
brain, follered by a crowd of widders, grass, and hay, and sod. And as
I mentally stared at 'em I see what I'd done on insistin' that they
should every one on 'em marry a man and stay to home, when they hadn't
no man and no home to stay in. Why, I wuz fairly browbeat and stumped
to see what a ticklish place I would stood in with the Jonesvillians,
if I had writ my chapter as I laid out to, that wimmen _must_ marry and
must _not_ vote.
I see I had got to turn round and take a new tact. But it wuz like
tearin' a bulldog from a good shank bone to uproot a man from that
inborn belief. And I thought it over pro and con, con and pro, till my
head got fairly dizzy and in one of the dizziest spells this thought
come to me that mebby Simon's bein' a bacheldor had hampered him and
colored his advice, and thinkses I before I lay down in the dust my old
beloved belief for good and all, it won't do any hurt to jest mention
the subject casually to Samantha agin, which I did.
I sez in a meachiner axent than I ginerally use, for I felt fur more
meachin' than I had felt, sez I, "Samantha, wimmen ort to marry instead
of votin'."
And she sez, "Why can't they do both? Men marry and vote."
"But," sez I, recoverin' with a herculaneum effort a little of my usual
feelin' of male superiority, "that is very different, Samantha. Men
have bigger, roomier minds, wimmen and politics can sort o' run side by
side through 'em without crowdin' each other. But female minds bein'
more narrer and contracted they naterally can't, and hadn't ort to try
to hold more'n one on 'em.
"But," sez I with a last effort to put forth the beautious arguments
that my sect has clung to for ages, I sez in a deep protectin' axent,
"marriage is the holiest, the most beautifulest state on this earth."
"Yes," sez Samantha reasonably, "a happy marriage is, I guess, about
as nigh Heaven as folks ever git on earth, but how many do you find,
Josiah?"
"Oceans on 'em," sez I, "oceans on 'em," for I wuzn't goin' to spile my
argument entirely till I had to.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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