Josiah Allen on the Woman QuestionHolley, Marietta
General
Josiah Allen on the Woman Question
Holley, Marietta
Feminism -- Fiction; Humorous stories; Sex role -- Fiction; Women's rights -- Fiction
And I sez kinder short, my tenderer emotions driv back into myself,
"What of it, what if she wuz!"
And then she had to go on and recall to my mind that triflin' incident
that had occurred and took place in Jonesville the fall before.
Sez she, "You remember, Josiah, old man Peedick who wuz rich as a Jew,
left all his money to his boys, a handsome propputy to each one on 'em,
and Almina who had stayed to home and took care on him, and lifted him,
and rubbed him, and soaked him, and swet him, and dressed and fed him,
he only left the house and apple orchard.
"The boys all had splendid homes in the city, but their houses wuz
either too big or too small, or too hot or too cold, to have Almina
live with 'em, and she wuz expected to git her livin' out of the
apples. They wuz first class grafts, none so good anywhere round, and
brought the very highest price, and she would got a good livin' and
laid up money, if she had been left alone, if she hadn't been protected
and warned.
"But every single one of them brothers would come out from the city
and warn her agin the other brothers, and tell her how easy it wuz for
a weak innocent woman to be deceived and cheated by designin' men,
her nearest relation mebby. And that a gentle female's mind wuzn't
strong enough to grapple with depravity, and she must lean on him for
protection, and he would see her through, so every single one on 'em
told her, and warned her agin the other six brothers.
"And Amanda would feel real affectionate and grateful to each one on
'em in turn, and be glad she had such a strong protector and warner
to take care of her. And every single time they come to protect and
warn her they would take home a few bushels of them delicious apples,
and when they got through protectin' and warnin' her, she didn't have
apples enough left to make a mess of sass."
But what of it, what had that got to do with my great work that wuz
seethin' through my brain? That shows how triflin' and how ornary a
woman's mind is, to bring up that old story whilst my brain wuz workin'
to a almost dangerous degree inside of my forward tryin' to prove to
the female masses at large the great fact of men's protectin' love and
the needecessity for it, to prove to 'em as I laid out to prove to
the listenin' world that wimmen wuz naterally inferior to men, their
brains smaller and lighter, when weighed up in the stillyards. Their
emmanuel strength less, their idees more whifflin' and onstabled, and
that therefore and accordin'ly wimmen needed and had got to have man's
masterful mind and emmanuel strength to protect her from the evils and
wickedness of the world, and specially from the awful tuckerin' and
dangerous job of votin'.
At this juncter I paused for a minute to collect my thoughts together
and then I brought forth from my brain this convincin' argument.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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