She did not belong to any one going out. She was one of those dreadful
things you see in London, with a big hat heaped with feathers, and
draggled tails of hair. I think she had a red dress.
She came up to us under the windows of the train, and stood nodding her
dreadful feathers and waving her dreadful hands and calling things out.
She called out, "Oh, it's all very fine now, you laugh now--but you
won't laugh long. You won't laugh out there. And who of you'll come
back and laugh, my pretty boys, my gay boys?"
Nobody dared take notice of her. If any one of us had taken notice of
her, nobody could have borne it. There seemed to be no guard about to
stop her, and not one of us dared admit that she was there.
"My pretty boys, my gay boys," she kept calling out, "you laugh now, my
poor boys, but you won't laugh long."
There were some little Frenchmen, cooks, I think, or waiters, from some
smart hôtel, going to join the colours. They were in a third-class
carriage next to the carriage of the British officers.
They heard the woman calling out like that. They were little
pasty-faced cooks or waiters.
But they began to sing. They began to sing the Marseillaise to drown
the woman's voice out.
They did it just for us, our men going out, there on the platform.
Our men began to whistle it and hum it and stamp it. And we tried to.
The crazy woman called out those terrible things, that were so true.
And our men and the little Frenchmen sang and whistled and stamped. And
so did we.
And the train went out like that.
Paris, end of September
I have come home for six days. "I am here," I keep saying to myself, "I
am here, at home," as if I could not believe it.
And those homeless people, that they begged for at all the stations
where the train stopped on our way, those driven, herded people,
stupid from horror they have passed through, helpless, in my home I
keep imagining them. Where the train stopped in the dark at half-lit
stations, people of the Red Cross came asking help, "Pour nos blessés,
pour nos refugiés."
Somehow, in my little rooms, it is the refugees I see the more plainly.
There is the young woman with the wheelbarrow, and the old woman, the
grandmother, with the baby, the young man carrying the old man on his
shoulders, the little brother and sister with the bundle. I see them
toiling down the white road, turning back wild looks toward the smoke
of their home. They had to leave the cow, but the old dog followed
them. I see them in some strange place. They can go no farther. They do
not care where they are, or what happens to them. They have looked upon
the end of all that they had ever known.
Once, when the train stopped at a very small station, where one could
smell the fields all close about and sweet, there was a woman's voice
pleading; one heard her, as she came from door to door, along the
train, in the dark, "For our homeless; we have thousands and thousands
of homeless----" Her voice trailed on in the dark.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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