(_Imperiously._) Silence!...
[_He stretches himself on the bed, closes his eyes
and appears to be sleeping soundly. ARIELLE, overcome
by her sobs, sinks down on the steps of the dais. On
the left, at the opposite end of the room, a little
door opens and JOYZELLE enters, wrapped in a long
cloak and carrying a lamp in her hand. She takes two
or three steps and stops. ARIELLE rises and stands
invisible behind the heavy curtains at the foot of
the bed._
JOYZELLE.
(_Stopping, haggard, hesitating, trembling._) Now and here.... I
have taken the last step.... Until this moment, which time can no
longer keep back and which is about to see a thing that will never
be wiped out; until I came to that little door which has just closed
upon two captive destinies, I knew, I knew all that I had to do....
Ah, I had reflected and I had judged so well!... There was nothing
but that, there was nothing else: it was certain, it was just, it
was inevitable!... But now all changes and I have forgotten all....
There are other powers, there are other voices and I am all alone
against all that speaks in the uncertain night.... Justice, where are
you?... Justice, what must I do?... I shall act because you wished
it.... You convinced me and urged me on.... There, but now, under the
thousands of stars which shone upon the door and which you invoked to
reassure my soul!... There was no doubt, then, and all the certainty
of all that breathes and of all that quivers and of all that loves
and has a right to love illumined my heart!... But, in face of
the deed, you yourself draw back, you deny your laws and abandon
me!... Ah, I feel too much alone, delivered like a blind slave to
the unknown.... I shall walk without looking.... I see nothing and
I shall not raise my mad eyes to the bed until the moment when the
thing.... (_She advances with a mechanical step to the foot of the
bed._) Now, fate itself shall say yes.... (_She lifts the lamp,
looks at the bed, sees MERLIN sleeping and, in her surprise, takes a
step back._) He sleeps!... What is this?... I had not foreseen....
Anything but this.... Must I wait still?... Oh, I should like to
wait!... He is sound asleep.... Then he did not wish.... But, if he
were not asleep, I could not have done it.... He would have disarmed
me, he would have mastered me.... It must be true, it is fate, it
is a good and just fate that delivers him to me thus.... I, who was
looking for a sign!... But there is the sign!... What more do I
want, if I want anything more?... And yet, as he is asleep, I cannot
know.... Perhaps he has pity, perhaps he renounces and would bid
me go!... He was not without soul; and often, at moments, he spoke
like a father.... Ah, if he had risen, if he had been there, with
arms held out to me, in an attitude of.... Then, then I should have
been strong and should have conquered!... But a man asleep.... That
shatters hatred.... And then, one no longer knows....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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