“Gentlemen, you have all heard Simpson say it is lonesome having no one to talk to during meals. We sympathized with him and offered him a choice of subjects. He greets our remarks by a conspicuous silence, varied by profanity. This, gentlemen, reflects on us, and is a matter demanding public satisfaction. All who feel that their powers as conversationalists have been impugned by the silence of Simpson, please say ‘Ay.’” “Ay” was howled, sung, and roared in every note of the gamut. “If me yoong frind here an me roight”—and Costigan jerked a shoulder towards the boy—“will be afther closin’ that silf-feeding automatic dictionary av his for a moment, I shud be glad to call the attintion av the coomp’ny to somethin’ in the nature av an ixtinuatin’ circoomsthance in the case av Simpson.” “Hear! hear!” they shouted. The broad countenance of Costigan beamed with joy at what he was about to say. “Gintlemin, the silence av Mr. Simpson is jew in all probabilitee to a certain ivint recalled by many here prisint, an’ more that’s absent, an’ amicablee settled out av coort—” Up to this time the unhappy Simpson had shown an almost superhuman endurance. Now he bristled—and after looking up and down the board for a sympathetic face, and not finding one, he declared, loudly and generally, “’Tain’t so!” “Ye may have noticed that frind Simpson do be t’reatened wid lockjaw in the societee av min, but in the prisince av a female ye can’t count on him. Now, talk wid a female is an agreeable, if not a profitable, way av passin’ the toime, but sure ye niver know where it will ind—as witness Simpson. This lady I’m recallin’—’tis a matther av two years ago—followed the ancient and honorable profission av biscuit shootin’ not far from Caspar. Siz Simpson to the lady some such passin’ civilitee as, ‘Good-marnin’; plisent weather we’re havin’.’ Whereupon the lady filt a damage to her affictions an’ sued him for breach av promise.” “’Twan’t that way, at all!” screamed Simpson. “’Sall a lie!” “Yu ought er said ‘Good-evenin’’ to the lady, Mistu Simpson; hit make a diffunce,” drawled the man from Texas, pleasantly. “But ’twas ‘Good-marnin’’ Simpson made chyce av,” resumed Costigan. “An’ the lady replied, ‘You’ve broke my heart.’ Whereupon Simpson, havin’ a matther av t’ree thousand dollars to pay for his passin’ civilitee, learned thot silince was goolden.”