Thus, while surprise, resentment and distress fought their battle
within me against something that lay midway between disbelief and
acceptance, my mind was aware of a disharmony that made judgment
extremely difficult. Almost I knew the curious feeling that one of us
had been fooled. It was all so incongruous and disproportioned, on the
edge of the inconceivable. And yet, at the same time, some sense of
keen delight awoke in me that satisfied. Joy glowed in some depth I
could not reach or modify.
Had the “woman” proved wonderful in some ordinary earthly way, I
could have continued to share in a kind of dramatic make-believe
LeVallon’s imagination of an “old soul” returned. The sense of fitness
would have felt requited. Yet what so disconcerted me was that this
commonplace disclosure of the actual facts did not destroy belief, but
even increased it! This unexpected and banal _dénouement_, denying,
apparently, all the requirements of his creed, fell upon me with a
crash of reality that was arresting in an entirely unexpected way. It
made the conception so much more likely--possible--true!
Out of some depth in me I could not summon to the bar of judgment
or analysis rose the whisper that in reality the union of these two
was not so incongruous and outrageous as it seemed. To a penetrating
vision such as his, what difference could that varnish of the mind
called “education” pretend to make? Or how could he be deceived by the
surface tricks of “refinement,” in accent, speech, and manner, that so
often cloak essential crudeness and vulgarity? These were to him but
the external equipment of a passing To-day, whereas he looked for the
innate acquirements due to real experience--age in the soul itself.
Her social status, education and so forth had nothing to do with--her
actual Self. In some ultimate region that superficial human judgment
barely acknowledges the union of these two seemed right, appropriate
and inevitably true.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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