The only outward change I noticed, apart from the greater maturity
and decision in the features, was a look of sadness he habitually
wore, that altered when he spoke of the things he cared about, into an
expression of radiant joy. The thought of his great purpose then lit
flames in his eyes, and brought into the whole countenance a certain
touch of grandeur. It was not often, evidently, that he found anyone
to talk with; and arguing, as such, he never cared about. He knew. He
was one of those fortunate beings who never had felt doubt. Perfect
assurance he had.
Julius, at that time, occupied a suite of rooms at the end of Princes
Street, where Queensferry Road turns towards the Forth. They were, I
think, his only extravagance, for the majority of students were content
with a couple of rooms, or a modest flat on the Morningside. This suite
he furnished himself, and there was one room in it that no one but
himself might enter. It had, I believe, no stick of furniture in it,
and required, therefore, no dusting apparently; in any case, neither
landlady, friend nor servant ever passed its door.
My curiosity concerning it was naturally considerable, though never
satisfied. He needed a place, it seems, where absolute solitude was
possible, an atmosphere uncoloured by others. He made frequent use of
it, but whether for that process of “feeling-with” already mentioned,
or for some kind of secret worship, ceremonial, or what not, is
more than I can say. Often enough I have sat waiting for him in the
outer room when he was busy within this mysterious sanctum; no sound
audible; no movement; a bright light visible beneath the crack of the
door; a sense of hush, both deep and solemn, about the entire place.
Though it may sound ridiculous to say so, there was a certain air of
sanctity that hung like a veil about that inner chamber, the silence
and stillness evoked a hint of reverence. I waited with something
between awe and apprehension for the handle to turn, aware that behind
the apparent stillness something intensely active was going forward,
of which faint messages reached my mind outside. Certainly, while
sitting with book or newspaper, waiting for his footstep, my thoughts
would glow and burn within me, rushing with energy along unaccustomed
channels, and I remember the curious feeling that behind those panels
of painted deal there lay a space far larger than the mere proportions
of a room.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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