His eyes rested for the fraction of a second on my face as he crossed
the floor, and I felt--but how describe it intelligibly?--as though
a wind had risen and caught me up into another place where there was
great light and an impression of vast distances. Hypnotic we should
call it to-day; hypnotic let it be. I can only affirm how, with that
single glance from a boy but slightly older than myself, seen then for
the first time, and with no word yet spoken, there came back to me a
larger sense of life, and of the meaning of life. I became aware of an
extended world, of wonder, movement, adventure on a scale immensely
grander than anything I found about me among known external things. But
I became aware--“again.” In earlier childhood I had known this bigger
world. It suddenly flashed over me that time stretched _behind_ me as
well as before--and that I stretched back with it. Something scared
me, I remember, with a faint stirring as of old pains and pleasures
suffered long ago. The face and eyes that called into being these
fancies, so oddly touched with alarm, were like those seen sometimes in
dreams that never venture into daily life--things of composite memory,
no doubt, that bring with them an atmosphere, and a range of query,
nothing in normal waking life can even suggest.
He passed to his place in front of Hurrish’s desk among the upper
forms, and a sea of tousled heads intervened to hide him from my sight;
but as he went the afternoon sunshine fell through the unfrosted half
of the window, and in later years--now, in fact, as I hold his letter
in my hand and re-collect these vanished memories--I still see him
coming into my life with the golden sunlight about his head and his
face wrapped in its halo. I see it reflected in the lamping eyes,
glistening on the mop of dark hair, shining on the pallid face with
its high expression of other-worldliness and yearning remote from the
chaos of modern life.... It was a long time before I managed to bring
myself down again to parse the verbs in that passage of _Hecuba_, for,
if anything, I have understated rather than exaggerated the effect
that this first sight of Julius LeVallon produced upon my feelings and
imagination. Some one, lost through ages but ever seeking me, rose
suddenly and spoke: “So here you are, at last! I’ve found you. We’ve
found each other again!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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