Richard, curled narrow in his chair like a snake, glanced up at the big
man projecting over him. A sort of magnetic effusion seemed to come out
of Kangaroo’s body, and Richard’s hand was almost drawn in spite of
himself to touch the other man’s body. He had deliberately to refrain
from laying his hand on the near, generous stomach of the Kangaroo,
because automatically his hand would have lifted and sought that rest.
But he prevented himself, and the eyes of the two men met. Kangaroo
searched Lovat’s eyes: but they seemed to be of cloudy blue like
hell-smoke, impenetrable and devilish. Kangaroo watched a long time: but
the other man was the unchangeable. Kangaroo turned aside suddenly.
“Ah well,” he said. “I can see there is a beast in the way. There is a
beast in your eyes, Lovat, and if I can’t conquer him then--then
woe-betide you, my dear. But I love you, you see.”
“Sounds like a threat,” laughed Somers.
Kangaroo leaned and laid his hand gently on Lovat’s shoulder.
“Don’t say that”; his voice was small now, and very gentle. “I loved you
before I knew you. My soul cries for you. And you hurt me with the demon
that is in you.”
Richard became very pale, and was silent for some moments. The hand sank
heavier, nearer, on his shoulder.
“You see,” said Somers, trying hard to be fair, “what you call my demon
is what I identify myself with. It’s my best me, and I stick to it. I
think love, all this love of ours, is a devilish thing now: a slow
poison. Really, I know the dark god at the lower threshold--even if I
have to repeat it like a phrase. And in the sacred dark men meet and
touch, and it is a great communion. But it isn’t this love. There’s no
love in it. But something deeper. Love seems to me somehow trivial: and
the spirit seems like something that belongs to paper. I can’t help
it--I know another God.”
The pressure of the hand became inert.
“But aren’t you merely inventing other terms for the same thing that I
mean, and that I call love?” said Kangaroo, in a strange, toneless
voice, looking aside.
“Does it seem to you that I am?” asked Lovat, gently and
dispassionately.
The strange, great passionate cloud of Kangaroo still hung there,
hovering over the pale, sharp isolation of Somers, who lay looking up.
And then it seemed as if the glow and vibration left Kangaroo’s body,
the cloud became grey and heavy. He sighed, removed his hand, and turned
away.
“Ah well!” he said. “Ah well!”
Somers rose, trembling now, and feeling frail.
“I’ll go,” he said.
“Yes, do go,” said Kangaroo.
And without another word Somers went, leaving the other man sunk in a
great heap in his chair, as if defeated. Somers did not even pity him.
His heart felt queer and cave-like and devoid of emotion.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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