Old dust and dirt of corpses: words and feelings. The decomposed body of
the past whirling and choking us, language, love, and meaning. When a
man loses his soul he knows what a small, weary bit of clock-work it
was. Who dares to be soulless finds the new dimension of life.
Home, to tea. The clicking of the clock. Tic-tac! Tic-tac! The clock.
Home to tea. Just for clockwork’s sake.
No home, no tea. Insouciant soullessness. Eternal indifference. Perhaps
it is only the great pause between carings. But it is only in this pause
that one finds the meaninglessness of meanings--like old husks which
speak dust. Only in this pause that one finds the meaninglessness of
meanings, and the other dimension, the reality of timelessness and
nowhere. Home to tea! Do you hear the clock tick? And yet there is
timelessness and nowhere. And the clock means nothing with its ticking.
And nothing is so meaningless as meanings.
Yet Richard meandered home to tea. For the sun had set, the sea of
evening light was going pale blue, fair as evening, faintly glazed with
yellow: the eastern sky was a glow of rose and smoke blue, a band beyond
the sea, while from the dark land-ridge under the western sky an
electric fierceness still rushed up past a small but vehement evening
star. Somewhere among it all the moon was lying.
He received another summons to go to Kangaroo. He didn’t want to go. He
didn’t want any more emotional stress, of any sort. He was sick of
having a soul that suffered or responded. He didn’t want to respond any
more, or to suffer any more. Saunter blindly and obstinately through the
days.
But he set off. The wattle-bloom--the whitish, mealy ones--were aflower
in the bush, and at the top of huge poles of stems, big,
blackish-crimson buds and flowers, flowers of some sort, shot up out of
a clump of spear-leaves. The bush was in flower. The sky above was a
tender, virgin blue, the air was pale with clarity, the sun moved
strong, yet with a soft and cat-like motion through the heavens. It was
spring. But still the bush kept its sombreness along all the pellucid
ether: the eternally unlighted bush.
What was the good of caring? What was the point of caring? As he looked
at the silent, morning bush grey-still in the translucency of the day, a
voice spoke quite aloud in him. What was the good of caring, of
straining, of stressing? Not the slightest good. The vast lapse of time
here--and white men thrown in like snow into dusky wine, to melt away
and disappear, but to cool the fever of the dry continent.
Afterwards--afterwards--in the far-off, far-off afterwards, a different
sort of men might arise to a different sort of care. But as for
now--like snow in aboriginal wine one could float and deliciously melt
down, to nothingness, having no choice.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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