But Harriet was becoming discontented. They had been in their house only
six weeks: and she had had enough of it. Yet it was paid for for three
months: at four guineas a week. And they were pretty short of money, and
would be for the rest of the year. He had already overdrawn.
Yet she began to suggest going away: away from Sydney. She felt
humiliated in that beastly little Murdoch Street.
“What did I tell you?” he retorted. “The very look of it humiliated me.
Yet you wanted it, and you said you liked it.”
“I did like it--for the fun of it. But now there’s all this intimacy and
neighbouring. I just can’t stand it. I just can’t.”
“But you began it.”
“No, I didn’t; you began it. And your beastly sweetness and gentleness
with such people. I wish you kept a bit of it for me.”
He went away in silence, knowing the uselessness of argument. And to
tell the truth he was feeling also a revulsion from all this
neighbouring, as Harriet called it, and all this talk. It was usually
the same. He started by holding himself aloof, then gradually he let
himself get mixed in, and then he had revulsions. And to-day was one of
his revulsions. Coming home from Mosman’s Bay, he had felt himself
dwindle to a cipher in Jack’s consciousness. Then, last evening, there
had been all this fervour and protestation. And this morning all the
cross-examination by Trewhella. And he, Somers, had plainly said all he
thought. And now, as he walked home with Jack, Jack had no more use for
him than for the stump of cigar which he chewed between his lips merely
because he forgot to spit it away. Which state of affairs did not go at
all well with _our_ friend’s sense of self-importance.
Therefore, when he got home, his eyes opened once more to the delicacy
of Harriet’s real beauty, which he knew as none else knew it, after
twelve years of marriage. And once more he realised her gay, undying
courage, her wonderful fresh zest in front of life. And all these other
little people seemed so common in comparison, so common. He stood still
with astonishment, wondering how he could have come to betray the
essential reality of his life and Harriet’s to the common use of these
other people with their watchful, vulgar wills. That scene of last
evening: what right had a fellow like Callcott to be saying these things
to him? What right had he to put his arm round his, Richard’s shoulder,
and give him a tight hug? Somers winced to think of it. And now Callcott
had gone off with his Victoria in Sunday clothes to some other outing.
Anything was as good as anything else; why not!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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