Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"Yes, he need not tell me that he loves me!" I thought, now vividly
recalling this conversation. "He does love me, and I know it. And all
his efforts to seem indifferent cannot take away this conviction!"
During the whole evening he said very little to me, but in every word,
in every look and motion, I felt love, and no longer had any doubts. The
only thing that vexed and troubled me was that he should still judge it
necessary to conceal this feeling, and to feign coldness, when already
all was so clear, and we might have been so easily and so frankly happy
almost beyond the verge of possibility. Then, too, I was tormenting
myself as though I had committed a crime, for having jumped down into
the cherry orchard to join him, and it seemed as if he must have ceased
to esteem me, and must feel resentment against me.
After tea, I went to the piano, and he followed.
"Play something, Katia, I have not heard you for a long time," he said,
joining me in the drawing-room.
"I wished ... Sergius Mikaïlovitch!" And suddenly I looked right into
his eyes. "You are not angry with me?"
"Why should I be?"
"Because I did not obey you this afternoon," said I, blushing.
He understood me, shook his head, and smiled. And this smile said that
perhaps he would willingly have scolded me a little, but had no longer
the strength to do so.
"That is done with, then, isn't it? And we are good friends again?" I
asked, seating myself at the piano.
"I think so, indeed!"
The large, lofty apartment was lighted, only by the two candles upon the
piano, and the greater portion of it was in semi-darkness; through the
open windows we beheld the luminous stillness of the summer night. The
most perfect calm reigned, only broken at intervals by Macha's footfall
in the adjoining room, which was not yet lighted, or by an occasional
restless snort or stamp from our visitor's horse, which was tied under
one of the casements. Sergius Mikaïlovitch was seated behind me, so
that I could not see him, but in the imperfect darkness of the room, in
the soft notes that filled it, in the very depths of my being, I seemed
to feel his presence. Every look, every movement, though I could not
distinguish them, seemed to enter and echo in my heart. I was playing
Mozart's Caprice-sonata, which he had brought me, and which I had
learned before him and for him. I was not thinking at all of what I
played, but I found that I was playing well and thought he was pleased.
I shared his enjoyment, and without seeing him, I knew that from his
place his eyes were fixed on me. By a quite involuntary movement, while
my fingers continued to run over the keys, unconscious of what they were
doing, I turned and looked at him; his head stood out in dark relief
against the luminous background of the night. He was sitting with his
brow resting on his hand, watching me attentively with sparkling eyes.
As mine met them, I smiled, and stopped playing. He smiled also, and
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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