Man-woman relationships -- Fiction; Marriage -- Fiction; Russia -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
"Yes, that is little, my darling, little for you. You have beauty and
youth. Often, at night, I cannot sleep for happiness; I am incessantly
thinking how we are going to live together. I have already lived much,
yet it seems to me that I have but just now come to the knowledge of
what makes happiness. A sweet, tranquil life, in our retired corner,
with the possibility of doing good to those to whom it is so easy to do
it, and who, nevertheless, are so little used to it; then work,--work,
whence, you know, some profit always springs; recreation, also, nature,
books, music, the affection of some congenial friend; there is my
happiness, a happiness higher than I ever dreamed of. And beyond all
that, a loved one like you, perhaps a family; in one word, all that a
man can desire in this world!"
"Yes," said I.
"For me, whose youth is done, yes; but for you ..." he continued. "You
have not yet lived; perhaps you might have wished to pursue your
happiness in some other path, and in some other path perhaps you might
have found it. At present it seems to you that what I speak of is indeed
happiness, because you love me...."
"No, I have never desired nor liked any but this sweet home life. And
you have just said precisely what I think, myself."
He smiled.
"It seems so to you, my darling. But that is little for you. You have
beauty and youth," he repeated, thoughtfully.
I was beginning to feel provoked at seeing that he would not believe me,
and that in a certain way he was reproaching me with my beauty and my
youth.
"Come now, why do you love me?" I asked, rather hotly: "for my youth or
for myself?"
"I do not know, but I do love," he replied, fixing upon me an observant
look, full of alluring sweetness.
I made no response, but involuntarily met his eyes. All at once, a
strange thing happened to me. I ceased to see what was around me, his
face itself disappeared from before me, and I could distinguish nothing
but the fire of the eyes exactly opposite mine; then it seemed to me
that these eyes themselves were piercing into me, then all became
confused, I could no longer see anything at all, and I was obliged to
half close my eyelids to free myself from the mingled sensation of joy
and terror produced by this look.
Towards evening of the day previous to that appointed for our marriage,
the weather cleared. After the heavy continuous rains of the summer we
had the first brilliant autumnal sunset. The sky was pure, rigid, and
pale. I went to sleep, happy in the thought that the next day would be
bright, for our wedding. I woke in the morning with the sun upon me, and
with the thought that here already was the day ... as if it astonished
and frightened me. I went to the garden. The sun had just risen, and was
shining through the linden-trees, whose yellow leaves were floating down
and strewing the paths. There was not one cloud to be seen in the cold
serene sky.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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