Keeping Up with William: In which the Honorable Socrates Potter Talks of the Relative Merits of Sense Common and PreferredBacheller, Irving
Philosophy
Keeping Up with William: In which the Honorable Socrates Potter Talks of the Relative Merits of Sense Common and Preferred
Bacheller, Irving
World War, 1914-1918
“This brotherhood of slaves has been created by the leprous soul of Bill
Hohenzollern. He has broken down the will of the average man in Germany
and established his own in place of it. He has yoked his people with the
slaves of Turkey and Bulgaria, and with them has overawed the will of
the Austro-Hungarians, mostly a decent people. The will of the Kaiser
has spread over middle Europe like a plague. The name of the plague is
Williamism. We have caught it in America.”
“In America!” I exclaimed.
“In America,” Mr. Potter went on. “The quarantine officer has been
bribed. He has left the door open and the plague has come in. The name
of that officer is Human Conscience. Williamism can make no progress
save through the carelessness or neglect of the human conscience.
“Long ago the German people turned over their consciences to the Kaiser
and the Bundesrath with a license to use them as they thought best. The
people said to themselves: 'The Kaiser enjoys the special protection and
favor of the Lord. He is an intimate friend with a pull. He ought to
be able to make a more expert use of our consciences than we could
ourselves. Therefore, we will appoint him our representative and
proxy at the Court of Heaven. If he and his friends decide, after due
consultation with God, that we had better violate good faith and break
our treaties and seize the property of other races and indulge in
murder, rape, arson and piracy, we will do it. To be sure such action
would seem to be wrong, but that is only because we are common cattle.
We are the best herd of common cattle there is, but we are not supermen.
The Bundesrath, the Kaiser and God ought to know what is right.
“Now that, in effect, is exactly what they said to themselves. A people
may prosper and come to no violent trouble under such a plan. But the
fact is, they are living around the crater of a moral Vesuvius.
“For two generations all seemed to be going well with the Germans.
William I was a fairly decent-minded man. Bismarck was unscrupulous but
careful. He stepped softly after he had bitten a chunk out of France. He
held the throne in restraint until William, the Godful, jumped upon it
with a wild yell of heavenly inspiration that startled the world. He was
going to take no advice from Mr. Bismarck--not a bit! Right away he
appointed himself secretary of war and attorney general of the Almighty.
No such astonishing familiarity with omnipotence had been seen since the
time of Moses.
“There is an ancient legend which says that, when Cæsar invaded Gaul,
an old bowman of the north, having been captured and brought to the
headquarters of the great Consul, said:
“'Hello, Julius! I am with you.'
“It was like Bill Hohenzollern, only Bill didn't say 'Hello, Julius!'
The whole world stood aghast.
“Bismarck stepped down and out. He must have seen what was coming.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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