Kenelm Chillingly — CompleteLytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
General
Kenelm Chillingly — Complete
Lytton, Edward Bulwer Lytton, Baron
English fiction -- 19th century
“In the time of your namesake, Sir Kenelm Digby, gentlemen wore swords,
and they learned how to use them, because, in case of quarrel, they had
to fight with them. Nobody, at least in England, fights with swords
now. It is a democratic age, and if you fight at all, you are reduced to
fists; and if Kenelm Digby learned to fence, so Kenelm Chillingly must
learn to box; and if a gentleman thrashes a drayman twice his size, who
has not learned to box, it is not unfair; it is but an exemplification
of the truth that knowledge is power. Come and take another lesson on
boxing to-morrow.”
Kenelm remounted his pony and returned home. He found his father
sauntering in the garden with a book in his hand. “Papa,” said Kenelm,
“how does one gentleman write to another with whom he has a quarrel,
and he don’t want to make it up, but he has something to say about the
quarrel which it is fair the other gentleman should know?”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Well, just before I went to school I remember hearing you say that you
had a quarrel with Lord Hautfort, and that he was an ass, and you would
write and tell him so. When you wrote did you say, ‘You are an ass’? Is
that the way one gentleman writes to another?”
“Upon my honour, Kenelm, you ask very odd questions. But you cannot
learn too early this fact, that irony is to the high-bred what
Billingsgate is to the vulgar; and when one gentleman thinks another
gentleman an ass, he does not say it point-blank: he implies it in the
politest terms he can invent. Lord Hautfort denies my right of free
warren over a trout-stream that runs through his lands. I don’t care a
rush about the trout-stream, but there is no doubt of my right to fish
in it. He was an ass to raise the question; for, if he had not, I
should not have exercised the right. As he did raise the question, I was
obliged to catch his trout.”
“And you wrote a letter to him?”
“Yes.”
“How did you write, Papa? What did you say?”
“Something like this. ‘Sir Peter Chillingly presents his compliments
to Lord Hautfort, and thinks it fair to his lordship to say that he has
taken the best legal advice with regard to his rights of free warren;
and trusts to be forgiven if he presumes to suggest that Lord Hautfort
might do well to consult his own lawyer before he decides on disputing
them.’”
“Thank you, Papa. I see.”
That evening Kenelm wrote the following letter:--
Mr. Chillingly presents his compliments to Mr. Butt, and thinks it fair
to Mr. Butt to say that he is taking lessons in boxing; and trusts to be
forgiven if he presumes to suggest that Mr. Butt might do well to take
lessons himself before fighting with Mr. Chillingly next half.
“Papa,” said Kenelm the next morning, “I want to write to a schoolfellow
whose name is Butt; he is the son of a lawyer who is called a serjeant.
I don’t know where to direct to him.”
“That is easily ascertained,” said Sir Peter. “Serjeant Butt is an
eminent man, and his address will be in the Court Guide.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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